Election

I always get excited when the elections get near. Whether it is a local election or the presidential election, I can hardly wait to go to the poll on voting day, and cast my ballot.

Call me a geek, but I cherish my right to vote.

Many have heard me tell the story about growing up in a country where the people were not allowed to elect their president. I vividly remember the election of 1989 in Panama, when the candidates of the opposition party were beaten with metal pipes by military officers during a peaceful protest against the government.

That's the reason I don't take my right to vote lightly. So many people in the world do not have the power to elect their governments, yet here in this country so many people are so apathetic about the opportunity to make their vote count.

But it takes more than just casting a ballot on election day. You have informed yourself on the candidates, on their records, on what their plans are. Voting for a candidate simply because your family has always voted for that candidate's party, or because they seem "nice" on TV defeats the purpose. Of course, many will show up and vote on Tuesday without having any idea what any of the candidates stands for.

There is one election on the ballot this year that really has puzzled me from the beginning. We are electing someone to be on the MS Supreme Court. This is quite an important election, if you ask me. So many things are decided by the Justices of the MS Supreme Court, I think we should all take the time to do our research on the candidates. I've done mine.
So being this is my blog and all :-) I would like to ask you take a minute and read up on what Jim Kitchens stands for. I have had the pleasure to meet Mr. Kitchens in person, as well as his mother, wife, and son. They are excellent people and pillars of our community. I believe he would an excellent choice this election. http://www.kitchensforjustice.com/ is his website.

So, that's that. The only endorsement I will publicly give for this upcoming election. I personally can't wait to cast my ballot. How about you?

Opportunity

I am a professional woman, in a male dominated field. Even in college, males outnumbered women in the majority of my engineering classes. I knew once I entered the workforce, I would have to fight the stereotypes about women in engineering. I also knew I would have to confront chauvinism, sexism, and racism. I was up to the challenge. I knew I would have to work twice as hard as my male collegues because I had to prove to others I was smart enough and not a result of "affirmative action".

I took on the challenge because I enjoy being challenged. I picked a major that most people would never consider. I pushed myself to the max, graduated, had a job a month after graduation. I didn't stop there. I knew it would take more than a bachelor's degree to get me where I wanted to be. I enrolled in a master's degree program and went to school at night. Still not enough, not when my male counterparts were accomplishing the same goals as I was.

I went further, and took the dreaded exam required to obtain my professional engineer's license. Never mind that I had a 3 month old baby at home, and a full time job. This was important to me and my career. I passed the first time I took the test.

This is just the academic part. There is the "working hard" part to go along with the other stuff. The most important part in my opinion. I have done my work and gone above and beyond what's expected of me. I have carved a name for myself and earned the respect of my superiors and my peers. I have enrolled in leadership programs, in management programs. I have read books, I have done my homework.

Still, there is barely a crack on my glass ceiling. I often wonder if I haven't done enough. Have I not taken a class I should have? Have I not tried hard enough?

I think I have done my part. There is always room for improvement, I don't believe a person should ever stop learning or growing as a person. So I know I am not perfect, then again, no one is.

Still, it is frustrating when your peers feel that a male, with less qualifications and work experience, is better qualified for a job simply because of seniority. There is always going to be someone with more seniority than me. And I will always have more seniority than someone else. Does that mean I am never going to be able to move above that glass ceiling?

I don't want a "hand-me-down" or a promotion I did not earn. I am not asking for charity. I am not asking for what some people see as "affirmative action". I simply want the same considerations my male colleagues get. I want someone to look at my qualifications, my skills, and hard work and allow me to compete with the "guys", regardless of how long I have been here. Seniority does not make anyone qualified to do anything, experience and expertise do.

I have worked hard to educate myself. I have worked hard at every job I've had, from my times as a clerk at Walmart to my job at a Fortune 500 company. I believe my work is a personal reflection of the person I am, so I take pride on everything I do.

I don't want a "free pass" because of my gender or my ethnicity. I simpy want the same opportunity to compete.

Randomness

I don't have a "topic" to discuss today. For starters, I have a wicked headache that refuses to leave, even though it has received an eviction notice (ibuprofen). Besides, there are several things going on in my head this morning.

* What's with artists and changing their names? First we had Prince, who wanted to be called by a symbol, then Garth Brooks who wanted to be Chris Gaines. Now Beyonce wants to be Sasha somebody. Are they insane? Is this what happens when you get famous? Brain cells begin to day and one day you wake up wanting to be someone else? Maybe they need to learn from Madonna, who still calls herself, well, Madonna.

* Has anyone been keeping up to date with the economy? It is like being on Space Mountain at DisneyWorld. It is dark and you just can't see if you are about to go up or down, you just hold on for dear life until the ride is over.

* Speaking of the economy, I never really like anything related to business. I took an economics class in high school and that was enough for me. I could not tell you what NASDAQ stands for, or what a hedge fund is. BUT I can listen to Kai Rysdall talk about the market all day long. I have a crush on his voice. I don't think anyone else on this planet can make news about the economy sound so entertaining. His show comes on at 6 PM on NPR.

* Why is it that politics always bring out the WORST in people? I'm not talking about the candidates either. I honestly think the candidates actually respect one another, but mudslinging is part of the deal.
I'm talking about the average person, the one you see on the street, talking trash about other people and feeling they are entitled to look down on others, simply because of their political choice. It happens on both sides of the coin too. This isn't a problem with only the followers of A or B party. It's on both sides.
It makes me ill, specially when people start attacking one another and they know NOTHING about the candidates' platforms, or what the candidates stand for. They have done no research on the issues; they simply are basing their support on either on what the candidate looks like, or what they think this candidate must be like in private; or what someone else said about the candidate (either a family member, church member, pastor, coworker).

Let's use our brains and draw our own conclusion about the candidates. And after we have drawn those conclusions, let's respect those who have a different conclusion than ours.

Happy Friday!

Doctors and your health

I have been to the doctor a few times in the past week and I've began to wonder if people no longer take active part in their healthcare.

I have been having problems for a while now which I atributed to my gallbladder. Being that gallbladder issues are hereditary and other members of my family have had problems, it wasn't a stretch to think mine may be going awry.
As many times before, I have been procrastinating about seeing a doctor about it. I don't like taking medication and I will find alternative forms of healing for any ailment I have before I take a pill or antibiotic. I will do home remedies and the things my grandmother used to do to cure most of my ailments.

This time it is different. I can't find anything that will make my gallbladder better. So off to the doctor I went. Our family physician is one of those small town doctors, who practices in a small town, and treats all his patients like his family. I like him. Anyway, I told him what was wrong, he said it sounded like stones in my gallbladder, and gave me an order for an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed there is a polyp growing in there, close the bile duct, and that's why my symptoms are very similar to those of people with stones.

Time to decide what to do next. If I had stones, I would have look for alternative ways to dissolve those stones so I could pass them. I'm not sure one can dissolve a polyp. I don't want to have it removed unless there are no more options. So the doctor sends me to see a surgeon who specializes in gall bladder removals.

I have to admit I was not going in there to schedule surgery. I figured this doctor would order another test to verify the existence of a problem, rather than just go on the results of one test.
I was quite surprised to find out he was ready to cut me open and take my gallbladder.

I won't bored you with the details of the conversation with the surgeon, but he seemed surprised and a bit uncomfortable because I questioned him regarding the proposed treatment for my ailment. I wasn't trying to be difficult, but this is my body we are talking about and I want to make sure no parts are removed unless it is needed.

The whole experience left me wondering if people no longer question their doctors. Why was this one so surprised and a bit uncomfortable with my questions? Did he think I would say ok to a surgery without having sufficient proof that this was the best course of action?

Perhaps we have become too complacent when it comes to healthcare. Maybe we are too quick to allow doctors to prescribe a remedy they think fits our situation without ever questioning them, or challenging them. I wonder if our healthcare costs, not to mention malpractice lawsuits, wouldn't be as high as they are if we actively participated in our care.

I am not a doctor and I am not denying they know more than I do about medicine. But in this day in age, all it takes is Google and a little time to find out what are common test and remedies for whatever ailment you've got. I knew there was another type of test that would show, without a doubt, the state of my gallbladder, and it wasn't an ultrasound. All I did was ask. I didn't sue, I didn't threaten, I just asked. The test is probably costly but I'm sure it is cheaper than having surgery that I may not need.


So I ask you, do you actively participate in your healthcare and that of your family? Or if the doctor says "take this medicine" or "give them this shot", you do it without asking what repercusions may come from it?

Pictures

My mom, daughter and myself at the Making Strides against Breast Cancer walk this past weekend.

My little soccer player

Lessons

This summer, our church started looking for Sunday school teachers. Truth be told, most of us don't really like getting up earlier than we need to during our weekends, so the responsibility often falls on those of us who have children attending Sunday school.

Last year, I didn't volunteer. I had excuses, the twins were small, etc. This year the inspiration came from my daughter. We were reading the church's bulletin one Sunday, and I mentioned to her they were looking for teachers. She became very excited and said she would like for me to be a teacher. How could I say no? So I signed up.

I am not teaching her class, though. This year she will going through First Communion classes, so they have a special teacher for that class. I am teaching the 3rd-4th graders this year. When I received the call, I was told these children were very bright, smart, and eager to learn. They would challenge me with questions, so I should be prepared.

They didn't tell me I would learn from them as much as they would learn from me. Our parish is small, and our class is small enough that all the kids get to participate and we (the teachers) get to interact with all of them.
Last week our lesson was about the first Christians, the things they went through, how they stood up for their faith even though they were likely to die for their beliefs.
I asked the class to think for a second about someone they knew, someone in their life, who stands up for their faith.

The first answer from most of them: my mother.

I hadn't really thought about the impact my faith could be having on my kids. To hear these kids talk about their mothers with such respect and admiration was an incredible feeling. I wonder if their moms know what an impact they have on their kids. I'm guessing they probably don't. Like me, they probably are doing the best they can to raise their children in the church, to teach them right from wrong. They probably don't expect praise, and probably don't know that their children are watching and noticing every example they set.

I'm glad I took on the challenge to teach these kids. They are bringing so many blessings to my life, and I'm learning a great deal from them.

"Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Pet peeve

I don't want to sound "preachy" or give the impression I know it all. I don't. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of my life.

One of my biggest pet peeve is people who give up before they even try. These are people who find a million reasons why something will not work out before they even get started. They are the ones who won't exercise because they just know that x,y,z is going to hurt, or because they know they won't lose weight.

Their glass is always half empty. They can't see the rainbow through the clouds. They want to get out of whatever rut they are in but they are afraid of failing.

I guess the reason they aggravate me so much is that I cannot relate to them. Failing is not one of my fears, not trying is. I won't say I have never had moments in my life when the skies were gray and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've had those times, we all have. I just didn't sit there and complained and waited for things to happen to me, rather than make things happen.

I am not perfect, I have more flaws than I care to share with you. I have been beaten down, and I have stood up every time and fought even harder. I will not quit, and those who know me well know that I will go after the impossible without any hesitation. I have fallen short of accomplishing things, but it wasn't because I didn't try. I find there is a lot of satisfaction in just trying the impossible.

If you want to run a marathon, do it. If you want to skydive, learn something new, change your career, go ahead and don't be afraid. Make a list of things that will make you feel great about yourself. Nothing in life is easy, and it shouldn't be, otherwise we would never appreciate what we have. Don't give up before you even try, don't look for reasons why you will fail.

Just give whatever you are dreaming a chance. You may be surprised.

Jeff

This blog is dedicated to my brother in law, Jeff, he is one of the kindest persons I know, and I'm priviledged to know him.

I have known Jeff for many years, too many to count, really. He has been there in the good times and the bad ones. We've had our moments when we fought, times when we didn't speak to each other, but I always knew he'd be there if I needed him.

He was there when I graduated high school, when I picked my major, when I picked Ole Miss. He believed in me even when I doubted myself. Through the years, he has offered his support unconditionally.

Last year, when I announced I wanted to run the Chicago marathon, Jeff said "I know you can do it". Before I even started training, he had given me a pedometer, and other "running" stuff to get me started.

He was there, along with my sister Joyce, and nieces Stephanie and Aurora, to watch me run the marathon last year. Even though I wasn't able to finish because they closed the race, he believed I was a winner.

What could I do to show him how much I appreciate all his support throughout the years? I took him to the first meeting for Marathon Makeover 2008. I told him he, too, could run the Chicago marathon. I sat with him in the first meeting, and told him the first mile would be the hardest. If he could get past that first mile, he could run Chicago.

And he, once again, believed in me. He signed up to train for the marathon. He went through the pain, and the exhilaration only those who have done it before can understand. And last weekend, he ran the Chicago marathon!

I could not be prouder. I am so happy that he believed in me when I told him he could do it. I am glad that I was able to "introduce" him to marathoning. I didn't get to see him run, but I was there in spirit. He finished the race, and now joins those who can call themselves marathoners.

There will be more marathons in both our futures, I hope. Maybe we'll run one together.

So thanks Jeff, for always reminded me I can achieve greatness. I've seen you do it, I'm just glad to be a witness to your life.

Making Strides against Breast Cancer

Many of us know someone whose life has been touched by breast cancer. In my case, my cousin is a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed after she found a lump during a self-exam and went to the doctor. That simple act of giving herself a self exam may have saved her life. She is cancer free, after undergoing a mastectomy.

I was so happy to see her this past summer, when I went to Panama. She is so full of life, and so happy to be alive, it is contagious. I am so happy she is still able to enjoy the little things in life. As she said to me, never take your life for granted, even the smallest things, or the insignificant moments. It all matters.

Again this year, I am helping raise money for the American Cancer Society's "Making Strides against Breast Cancer". I want to help raise awareness about this disease and educate women ( and men) about it. A little education can go a long way.

Many people around the metro area are supporting this cause also, so if someone approaches you and asks for a donation, please consider giving. Think about your mother, daughter, sister, friend. Think about all the special women in your life, and consider donating in their honor.

To make a donation for my walk, just click on my website. You can make your donation online, and every dollar makes a big difference!

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/kayra-panama10

Change is good

I'm still looking for 6 extra hours in the day, so I can have plenty of time to update this blog.

A lot of changes going on everywhere. Fall is in the air. Not only are the seasons changing, there is change in Wall Street, we have an election coming up, change is definitely in the air.

There are a lot of changes going on at home too. New opportunities in the horizon, some fading away. We are getting ready to write new chapters at home, that's for sure.

My husband has joined the ranks of Stay at Home Dads. He will be staying home, tending to the kids and all the other things that surface day to day. He definitely now has the hardest job there is, and I truly admire him for making this decision.
The adjustment will be hard, I'm certain of it. But I know the kids are going to love having daddy around all the time and having him take care of them rather than daycare.
I also know one day, when they are all grown up, they will cherish those times with dad and will admire him for the decision he made to stay home with them.

My daughter is taking piano lessons, so our house is now filled with the sound of music. She has a innate ability for music, and has taken up piano very quickly. She is growing up before my own eyes, and I'm in awe at the person she is becoming.
I know she will love having her dad around all the time, and I know this will have a great impact on her in the years to come.

The twins will also be adjusting. They will be staying home with dad, and learning how to be good men from dad.

And I will be adjusting to my new role as well. I hope I remember to be supportive of him, and to never take him or his job for granted.

Trying to catch up

I need a 30 hour day, please. If I only had a few more hours, maybe I could catch up with the tons of stuff I need to do.
It seems these days I am running around, from work to school to church, back to work... It's never ending.

I spent last week in Denver attending a training class. It was my first time in Denver, and that was exciting in itself. We had a chance to stay downtown, at the Curtis. If you've ever go to Denver, check that hotel out.
Every floor has a "theme", I stayed on the "Laugh outloud" floor. The decor were basically pictures of different comedians, like Lucy, Three Stooges, etc. Really cool. And the best part, it was just 2 blocks from 16th street, where all the shops and restaurants are.

The class was very good and relevant to my line of work. I'm guessing only a handful of people would classify a groundwater geochemistry class as "good". I'm one of those people. I was reminded of how much I really like chemistry. I'm an odd bird, I know.

Came home to find one of the boys sick. Fever, runny nose, congestion. I guess it's a summer cold, aggravated by allergies. Ended up missing work most of this week, because boy#2 also got sick. He is still home getting over his illness.

Aside from taking care of the boys, there was still dance class , and piano lessons, and soccer practices to go to. I wonder what it will be like when all three kids have after school activities? One of us will have a full time job taking everyone to their respective stuff.

Last but not least, there is church. I'm teaching Sunday school and I'm also involved in another program for adults, so that also has to be added to my schedule. And of course, there is still housework to be done.

So if anyone knows how I can add another 6 hrs to my day, please share the info. I need them.

Happy Birthday Candace!

I saw her for the first time seven years ago today. After waiting for almost 12 hrs, she finally made her entrance into this world at 5:12 PM. I was surprised to see how alert she was. She didn't cry, she just looked around at all the people welcoming her into this world.

Her big brown eyes made quite an impression on me. They weren't typical newborn eyes, with their sleepy look. They were bright, alert, scanning the room, inspecting everything. She didn't cry and I wondered if something was wrong, weren't newborns suppose to cry as soon as they were born? It wasn't until they started to clean her up and weigh her that she cried, only for a few seconds. She stopped as soon as she heard her father's voice.

She immediately took her place in our family, commanding attention when she wanted it, as all newborns did. She was fiercily independent from the start, wanting to do everything by herself. She was a lot of hard work, but always worth it.

I look at her in awe and amazement to see what an incredible human being she is. Her compassion surpases her young life, she always has a smile, a hug, ready when you need it the most. She is bright, intelligent, and well mannered, loving, all the qualities you want to see in a child. She loves to laugh, to have fun, to cuddle and watch movies, and Ben&Jerry's ice cream.

She is a tomboy and a girlie girl all wrapped up in one. She loves to go fishing with her grandparents, as much as she loves dresses, cute haircuts, and toenail polish.

She is a gift from above, and I will be forever thankful that she chose me to be her mother.

Seven years ago

I'm pretty certain most people remember where they were, what they were doing, when the planes hit and the towers fell. I'm certainly one of them.

Even as I was watching one of those shows in the History channel, it all seemed so surreal, almost as if watching a movie with a horrible ending. If I hadn't been alive when it happened, I'd probably wonder if it truly happened.

I was 38 wks pregnant with my first child. I had preeclampsia and the doctor was going to induce so I was on my way to my last office appointment. My legs were twice their size and so were my hands, and I could no longer sleep because I could not get comfortable.

The fact I was bringing a child into this world was terrifying in itself. Millions of questions raced through my mind : What if I mess up? What if I don't know how to take care of a baby? Will I ever sleep for 8 uninterrupted hours?

We got the call from mother in law about the planes, so we knew something was happening by the time we arrived at the doctor's office. Perhaps we were too self absorbed, but none of that seemed important enough, we just wanted to make sure that kid was going to be ok and that I would be around to watch her grow up.

I sat the rest of the day on the couch, at home, watching the news unfold, and wondering what kind of world I was bringing this child into. And worrying about whether I had enough diapers, clothes, bottles and all other gadgets I thought I would need.

When people talk about the events of Sept 11 and get emotional about it, I feel bad because it was one of the happiest times of my life. The anticipation of finally meeting my first child, my little girl, the excitement of finally seeing her face overshadowed anything else that happened that day.

My heart aches for the families of those who lost their lives that day. But when I look in my daughter's eyes, I know there is goodness, hope, and love still in this world.

I just felt like running...

Remember Forrest Gump? I can relate to his quote right now.

I have the itch to run again. Not just run, but train for a half marathon. 13.1 miles.

I trained for the Chicago marathon in 2007 and it was a great experience. Even though the race was cancelled and I didn't get a chance to officially finish the race, it was still one of the best experiences of my life.

I learned a lot about myself while training for Chicago. I learn that age is just a number, that there are a million excuses I could have use to quit. I had 9 month old twins and a 5 yr old when I started training, a full time career, a husband. A million excuses. The amazing group of people who trained with me helped me get through it. They have no idea how much they helped me.

In my closet, there is a somewhat new pair of running shoes. My faithful Saucony Omni shoes, that got me through the streets of Chicago last October. Should I bring them out of retirement?

The 2nd MS Blues Marathon is coming up in January 2009. Last year, I was an spectator, happy to cheer for the runners, some of whom have become my friends. This year, I want to be one of the runners.

Training won't be easy, but the best things in life never are. I find myself missing those long runs from my training last year, when it was just me and the pavement. That section of my day when it's all about me, and what I can do, how far I can run.

Then there is my daughter, who will be 7 on Friday. She wants to run the Kids Marathon portion of the Blues. She has been asking when we are going to run together so she can start logging in her miles. There is no better incentive than to set the example for her.

So I may be running the Blues, and passing the torch to my daughter.

Working and parenting

If you have been watching the news lately, this has been a hot topic lately, because of Sarah Palin's nomination as VP for the GOP.

First, let me say this blog is not about politics. I don't agree with Palin's viewpoints, and this has nothing to do with her qualifications to be a potential VP.

I am, however, a working mother like her. I juggle a career and motherhood the same way she does. Since her nomination, I have heard (in several TV newscasts) reporters questioning whether she would be able to perform as a VP, not because of her experience but because she is a MOTHER.

As if the simple fact she has kids makes her less qualified to perform a job. Like I said, I'm not one of her fans and you won't hear me sing her praises or pledging my support. But I do think it's unfair to assume that because she is a mother, she is incapable of doing a good job, regardless of what that job may be.

As a working mother, I have had to endure my share of comments from people "oh, I'm so SORRY you have to work", or "you must have no time to do X, Y, Z with the kids".
Or they'll make comments about my kids being cared for by other people, or about me loving my career more than my children.

Most of the time, these comments are ignored because I know what's true, and because I don't feel these people deserve an explanation as to the reason for my choices.

Now that a working mother has been put in the spotlight, the same old question has come up again, can a woman have it all? Has anyone questioned whether a man can be a good father and also the President of this country? Does anyone ever question whether a man can have it all, a happy family and a good career?

Being a working mother is not easy, it is a juggling act. We struggle to be the best mothers, best wives, and still have a successful career. Our cars are overrun by toys, books, backpacks, and empty juice boxes. So are our houses. There are toys in the kitchen, and cups in the bedrooms. There are piles of laundry waiting to be done, and piles of clothes waiting to be folded. Most of the time, we hope people will call ahead before visiting so we can at least pick up some of the mess. There are crayon markings on our walls, and fingerprints on the windows, and probably cheerios under the cushions of the sofa.

Make no mistake, we are not lazy. Our houses are not a wreck because we can't handle a career and a home. They are a mess, at least mine is, because we CHOOSE to spend our free time with our kids. We rather snuggle under a blanket and watch Mary Poppins for the 1000th time than clean the house, or do the laundry. We rather go to soccer games, or dance practice, or listen to our kids practice their piano lessons, than stress over how our house may look if someone shows up.

What kind of mothers we are have nothing to do with what we do for a living. I have known mothers who stay home and spend no time with their kids (and will admit so). The kids are in front of the TV while they are preoccupied with keeping up with the Joneses. I have met other moms who make me want to stay home and imitate them. I have met working mothers who make it look easy, and who will be happy to give you the number to their cleaning ladies.

I don't believe my qualifications as an engineer depend on whether or not I have a family, the same way I don't think Sarah Palin's depend on her having one. We must stop putting working mothers down, or making them feel as if they don't love their kids enough. There are many of us who work because we have to and not because we want to. There are many of us who chose to work because we feel we can make a difference in this world, and want our kids to believe they, too, can have it all.Even if having it all means having a house in disarray.

I am proud of being a working mother. One day, my daughter will have to make her own decision, and my sons will be able to support their wives in their decisions, and I hope it will be because I set a good example. Whatever those decisions are, I hope they understand they too can have it all.

New habits, old habits, haircuts, DNC, RNC, Hanna, Ike...

So many things to blog about, so little time.

I was happily surprised to see the money I spend on private education is being put to good use. At least some of it. Part of my duties as the mother of a first grader include attending a mandatory meeting. This meeting is designed to tell us what our kids are going to learn, and how we can help them study at home. In the meeting, they mentioned the kids would be bringing home an "agenda" to keep up with their homework assignments, tests, etc.

First I thought I had misread the list of school supplies because I never bought an agenda. Then they told us they would provide one. I figured it would be a regular notebook, where they could write their assignments and we, the parents, could keep up with it.

She brought the agenda home yesterday for the first time. I started looking through and it looked vaguely familiar. Then I read the intro pages and the agenda is geared towards kids and based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

How cool is that? Yes, I'm showing my geek side by getting excited about something like this. But I think it's awesome she is learning to be organized at an early age, and even moreso, that she is being introduced to some great ideas at an early age.

On to the old habits part. I really need to quit drinking coffee. I quit before but I love my coffee. Or at least I need to make an effort to add more calcium into my diet. Osteoporosis runs in my family and I should really make a serious effort to exercise more and eat more calcium rich foods.

I'm getting a new haircut today. Not sure what yet, but I want to try something new and different. I picked up a magazine at Walmart and they have gazillion different short styles in one magazine. I decided not to buy it, otherwise I would probably never be able to pick just one. Whatever I pick, it will be better than the mop I'm sporting right now.

DNC, RNC... Have been watching both, listening to both sides spew venom about the other candidates. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR STAND ON THE ISSUES! Why is that so hard? I get that you have to badmouth the other guy because it's expected. But I'm more interested to hear YOUR stand on the issues that matter to me: the war, the economy, abortion, immigration, energy. Then I can draw my own conclusions about you and the other candidate.

It's a little insulting to hear over and over again the candidates tell me why I shouldn't pick the other guy. I want you to tell me why I should pick YOU over the guy. Americans are smart enough to make their own conclusions (at least I like to think so, but then, we have made some dumb decisions in the past when it comes to presidential elections). Present the facts about your plan and let us draw our own conclusions.

I'm looking forward to the first debate, not only because I want to see the candidates finally answer questions about the issues, but because it's at my beloved Ole Miss campus. But Tim Russert will be missed, I really like watching his show. I wonder who will be the moderator?

Then there is Hanna and Ike, headed somewhere. Will they come close to us, will people evacuate next time, will they stay put? I see all these "forecasters" trying to tell us where the hurricane is going. Please, you can't even tell me with precision whether it's going to rain tomorrow!!

Resurrecting this old blog

It's been a while since I updated this blog. Lots has happened, mostly life so it's been hard to catch up.

We went to Panama in July and had a great time. This was our first, big vacation as a family of 5 so we had our challenges. Overall, it was a great experience. I learned that my kids are better behaved than I thought, and that my husband is more patient and understanding than I give him credit for.

Our family had a chance to spend time with the rest of the family, and that was great. My kids immediately embraced this new group of folks as if they had always known them. They enjoyed everything, the food, the places. We had meltdowns, as would be expected, but I think they were born to travel.

My husband had a chance to see where I grew up, my home, the place where I came to be. He says he liked it (did you, really?). But I wonder if it has made a difference for him to truly know where I came from and all the obstacles I had to overcome, and to meet the people closest to me, even after all these years?

It was great to see my family and spend time with them. I am ready to go back, this time Candace has requested an "only girls" trip. I really hope we can do that next time. It was great to show her where I grew up, and tell her about what my life was like when I was her age.

Came back to MS and to work and then life got hectic again. Trips to the ER because one fell off the couch and later busted his lip. Everyone is fine now.
Work was crazy busy during the month of August, I'm still trying to catch up.

Then school started. We are the parents of a first grader, and I feel like I'm the one in school. There is math homework, phonics homework, reading homework... Not to mention piano lessons, dance lessons, soccer lessons, and soon First Communion classes. My little girl is growing up way too fast, in 2 weeks she will be celebrating her 7th birthday!

Back in June, I took the seminar on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and now I'm trying to implement those. Turns out it was harder than I thought but I have discovered there are things I can do on a daily basis that will help me be a better mother and wife, not to mention a better person. Taking the time to think about what I can do every week to make a difference in one of those roles is really having an impact in my life. Still a work in progress though.

Then there is the world around me. Hurricanes and political conventions. We were better prepared for Gustav than we were for Katrina, a good thing considering we have 2 more kids than we did back then.
Political elections bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. I hope it brings out the best in me, although I have to admit I'm not perfect. I get easily annoyed by narrow minded people who believe their way and their beliefs are the only ones that are valid.
No two people are ever going to agree on anything, not even my twin boys who shared the womb.

So it gets very annoying when people share their political views and get highly offended because others don't see it the way they do, or because others don't agree with them.
I find it highly offensive for someone to assume I'm not intelligent enough to formulate my own opinion and expects me to adopt theirs.

I believe what I believe. Simple as that. My viewpoint is not the only one. I see the world the way I do because of my life experiences. I don't expect other people to see the world the same way if they haven't walked in my shoes. And no one has walked in my exact path, and even those who have walked a very similar path, have different views.

I like to debate about politics and religion but have discovered most people don't want to debate, they want to argue. They want to tell me my views are wrong and "convert" me. I really enjoy watching people get all worked up about their political views, and why their way is the best way for America.

I'm an outsider, an immigrant. Growing up, my country was under a socialist regime where healthcare is provided by the government, and education is at the top of the list. I find myself trying to dissect the messages both major political parties give and find the one that closely resembles my ideals. Neither do, there is no party that truly represents me, 100% of my convictions. There couldn't be; simply because I'm just one and the party represents the many.

Liberal, conservative. I'm not sure where I fall. I'm too liberal to be a conservative and too conservative to truly be a liberal. I vote on the ISSUES, not along party lines.

Where in the world...?

I often get asked is "Where is Panama?". When I first moved here, I was actually surprised that my classmates had no clue Panama was actually a country, and not the city in Florida.

It is not an island, and yes, there is a country of Panama, not just the canal. Even though the Canal is what most people know about the country, there is a whole lot more about this tiny piece of land I call home.

It borders Costa Rica and Colombia, and the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. There is actually a place in my province where, on a clear day, you can see both oceans at once. Pretty cool, right?


On this map (from Mapquest), you can see Panama City. On the left side, close to the water, it's my hometown David.

I'm really excited about going home soon. For the first time since I left home (19 years ago) I'm going home as a "tourist". It really is different but I have the chance to rediscover my home, and all it has to offer. I'm so excited to show it to my husband and kids, and even more so, to see if through their eyes.

Of course, there is still lots of packing to do, and the trip is weeks away. But I can hardly wait.

Making a list...

...Not checking twice. At least not yet.

I haven't updated this blog in ages. I really do not have anything too exciting happening on a day to day basis.

Let's see if I can do a quick recap of my "rock star life", shall we?

*Work
*Family time
*House work
*Church
*Trip planning.

Nothing too exciting, as you can see. For the most part anyway.

I'm still ironing out the last details of our trip. Royal pain in the you-know-what. Panama has become quite a tourist attraction, specially Panama City. I've been looking for reasonable hotels in a safe area for weeks now. Would you believe a room at a Country Inn and Suites costs $130 per night in the LOW season? I was quite surprised, to be honest.
I would be lying if I said there weren't cheaper hotels. There are, and some have great reviews from other travelers. The problem is some of them do not have rooms big enough for us. So even though they would be great for a couple, or even a couple and a child, they could not accomodate a family of 5 and all the paraphernalia we have to travel with.
I think I finally narrow it down to 2 B&B, in a nice area and with the room we need.

Then there is the fly vs. rent a car dilemma.

My family lives to the northwest of Panama City, a 6 hr drive, right on the border with Costa Rica. There are flights from Panama City every day but these are small "puddle jumpers", so they have weight restrictions on the luggage. The twins would not pay fare, but would have to ride on our lap (about 1 hr flight). But we would have to pay for their luggage since they don't have a ticket.
Once you add up the airfare for the 3 of us who have to pay, and the extra for the luggage, it's a pretty penny.

So I figured I could find out how much a rental car would be. We have to drive back to Panama City anyway since that's where the international airport is. All the major rental agencies are there (Budget, Avis, Dollar, National, etc), so I figured this should be a piece of cake.
WRONG. More like a pain in the neck.

These agencies do NOT take debit cards, period. Seems like no big deal except we do NOT have credit cards. We got rid of them a long time ago, and since our debit cards work at most places, we don't want one either.

So after contacting agency after agency, and hearing over and over again they do not take cash or debit cards, I came across a locally owned agency who was willing to let me use cash and pay a deposit. I never thought I'd deal with businesses who rather deal with plastic than with good ol' cash. You live, you learn...

So that's two big things that are finally coming together. Now I have to make a list (yes, a list) of people I want to see once I get to my hometown. God forbid I forget anyone, I'm sure my citizenship would be revoked! And a list of other places I want my family to see. That part should be a piece of cake since we have lodging already (courtesy of family and friends); and I'm more familiar with the area.

I guess I should start packing or at least making a list of things to take with us. I hate packing, period. Now you can imagine what I'll be going thru packing for 5 people.

I'll be good and update more now that I'm getting closer to the trip and afterwards. I want to do a travel journal (sort of) with pictures and such once I return.

And the saga continues...

I've been home the last 2 day with a sick child. By sick, I mean by daycare standards. Because his behavior was far from sick.
Sunday, I noticed his left eye was red. Considering the day before he had dumped bubble solution on his head, I figured that was probably the problem. But by Monday morning, his other eye was also red and had some goo in it.

Headed to the doctor, where all 3 of the kids proceeded to take over the waiting room. This included the supposely sick child, who was leaping off chairs, and causing all sort of ruckus.

Dr said it was pink eye and also an ear infection we didn't know about. Thankfully we caught it early. Kept him home yesterday. His eyes were miraculously back to normal yesterday. No discharge, no redness. I think it may have been allergies rather than pink eye.

Anyway, they are back at daycare, oldest child is spending the day with her grandmother, and I'm at work.

Now on to my update on the bank saga. Let me see if I can recap this without my blood pressure going thru the roof.

Talked to the VP at the bank, who proceeded to inform me the charges are indeed legitimate because, well, these merchants had my name (nooooo, really?) and debit card information and therefore the charges were made either by me (no, it was not me) or my husband (who doesn't even know my SS#, much less debit card info).

To make a long story short, I gave him a piece of my mind. Yes, the merchants had my name and debit card because someone stole my IDENTITY. That's the reason I reported it as IDENTITY THEFT. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if someone steals your identity, they are going to pretend to be you. Maybe it does take a scientist because this is beyond the level of comprehension of the VP at the bank.
Also, his implying that I am indeed responsible for the charges because "I have bought other things online" is insulting to say the least. Yes, I have bought books at Amazon and a pinata for my kids at the Sesame Street store online. BUT I'm NOT disputing those charges. I made those, I did not make the ones I am disputing in my letter.

Besides, why would I go through all this trouble if I was indeed responsible for the charges?

So, I got some of my $ back. I am pissed off and let him know just how pissed I was. I'm opening an account at a credit union, and taking my money out of this stupid bank. Not before I find out the credit union's policy regarding ID theft.

Then again, I may just go back to using cash only.

Public Service announcement

The last story was funny, even if it happened to me.

This one, not so much. Consider this a public service announcement.

Since the end of April, we have been navigating the maze that is identity theft. Yes folks, ID theft. I wish it was as simple as someone stole my wallet, and used my info. It is not. This is one of those cases featured in shows like Twilight zone. At least it feels like I'm on the twilight zone. Some of you have heard most of the story. Now it's the rest of the story.

Since this is a LONG story, I'll give you the gist of it.

• Bank statement arrives in the mail. While checking it, I find out that there are charges there I don't recognize. I asked husband if he made those, he doesn't know where they came from either. Charges are made by Skype.com and EAuction.com, never heard of either nor have procured their services.
• I bank with a local bank in my town, and since I work in Jackson, husband went to the bank to report it (account is in both of our names). Bank person tells him the charges were made using my debit card information so I have to report it in person before they can reverse the charges.
• My debit card was still in my wallet. It was not physically stolen, someone stole the name and numbers off the card, and I still had the card. Bizarre.
• Took time off work to go to the bank and report the incident. I gave the bank person a letter with my signature saying these charges were fraudulent, I did not authorize them, someone has stolen my info. Bank person tells me they will credit the account and investigate. If the investigation shows the charges are legitimate, they will take the credit back. I'm certain the charges are not legitimate because I did not make them. I also had them cancel the debit card to avoid any future charges. I leave the bank in good spirits, thinking their investigation will reveal who stole and use the info.
• In the meantime, I called EAuction (their 800 # was on the bank statement). They tell me I bought some sort of websearch system from them. That was NOT me but they have my name and debit card on their system. They cancel the account and supposely mark it as FRAUD. What they forgot to tell me is yet ANOTHER charge was made to the account just the day before I called them. bastards.
• I tried to find a number for Skype but was not successful. I sent a message thru their website, asking for a phone number where I can properly report the fraud to them. 10 days later, I received an email asking that I send them the debit card number so they can tag the account as fraud. As if I'm going to fall for that one! and no phone number to contact them.
• Letter arrives from the bank telling me their investigation revealed the charges are legitimate. EXCUSE ME??? They have asked the "merchant" and they said it was legitimate so they are taking the credit back. WHAT?? Letter is on plain white paper and not even signed. Considering these people handle MY money, I expect a letter on letterhead and with a signature.
• In case you haven't noticed, by this point, there are flames coming out of my mouth and ears. Not only is the bank's letter less than professional, it offers no insight on the supposed investigation. That's when I decided to do some research on my own. I came across a website (ripoffreport.com) where people from all over the country have similar complaints about these two companies. Apparently, this is not an isolated incident.
• I also went to the MS Attorney General's website and found information as to what to do now. Filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, with the Attorney General, and visited the local police department. They still are not sure how to file the report since this crime is a cybercrime and I have no clue who stole the information. Still talking to police investigators and won't give up until a formal complaint is filed.
• As for the bank, they received a rather lengthy letter from me, retelling the story and asking for copies of all documents generated during the investigation. These are the documents supposely used to arrive to the conclusion the charges were legitimate.

I still have no debit card, because the new one I have applied for hasn't arrived. Still nothing has been resolved by the bank, and these people have gotten my money, to the tune of $150. I hope no one has to go thru this. I thought these things could only happen if you banked online (I don't) or if my wallet was stolen. Apparently thieves these days are experts at stealing your money without you even noticing.

Instructions book missing...

The parenting instruction manuals are missing. You know, the ones that suppose to come with the kids? The ones that tell how to "troubleshoot" when things arise? That one. Mine are missing. None of my kids had one with them. How am I suppose to know what to do when they "malfunction"?

A manual would have come in handy yesterday.

I arrived at daycare to find one of the boys on timeout. Apparently he had decided to climb on a table, and when the teacher asked him to get down, he laughed at her. I know that routine all too well. He has done this before, he is a daredevil. Or may be he thinks he is Superman. I'm of the opinion it's never too early to teach your kids how to behave, so we have been using timeouts and whatever else works for a while. Let's hope it works.

Next stop was school, to pick up my darling daughter. As I walked into the aftercare room, the director tells me she needs to speak with me outside. Oh brother, this can't be good. I quickly try to figure out what could she possibly have to say. Have we paid aftercare? Did we forget to send something she requested? Quickly, I figure out everything should be in order, and with a clueless look on my face, I wait to hear what she has to say.

My sweet child was sent to the Headmaster's office yesterday. Her offense: She decided to moon the entire playground, along with 3 of her friends.

I stood in that hallway wondering if I had heard correctly. Are we talking about the same kid? My sweet, innocent, always polite and well mannered daughter mooned the playground? There has to be some mistake, she is a girl and girls just don't do that!

I picked up my jaw from the floor and thanked the director for letting me know what happened. She asked me not to be too harsh on the child. She thinks having to talk to the Headmaster will make the kids behave from this point forward.

As I drove home, I could not wrap my brain around the incident. What could she possibly be thinking? What am I suppose to do now? Had it been someone else's kid, I would have laughed histerically and wish them luck. Laughter isn't exactly the reaction I am experiencing. Did I fail her as a parent? Have I not taught her what she needs to know about modesty and good manners?

We arrived home, where I proceeded to notify her father of the events of the day. He is also flabbergasted.

I told the child we would talk after the twins were in the bed, mainly because I need to make a few phone calls and find out HOW to handle this incident. My manual is missing, and I'm not sure what to do!

Apparently my mom found her manual after we were all grown because what she suggested didn't sound anything like what she did when were kids. She said I should ask the kid why she did it and not be too harsh. Who is this woman and where is my mother? My mother would have punish me first and ask questions later, simply because no matter what our reason was, the end result was the same.

I told my mother (or the alien who had invaded her body for a few minutes) Thanks and went to my daughter's room to find out the details. I need to know what happened, hopefully the story will give me ideas on what to do next.

Apparently, the boy in the group asked the girls to dare him to use the bathroom in the playground. They did. As he was using it, they decided to stand with him in solidarity and pull their pants down. Not to relieve themselves, just to show their support I guess.

I know you are laughing. I would be too if it wasn't my kid.

I told her why her behavior was wrong, and why I will not tolerate any more of it. I don't want to hear again that she has visited the Headmaster's office, unless she is being given an award. There will also be punishment and extra chores for her to do around the house.

Let's hope the punishment and my speech will teach her a lesson, and we don't have to worry about this ever again.

I'm still looking for the manual that should have come with her, and definitely need the one that should have come with the twins. God knows I'm going to need all the help I can get.

So if you have a manual, do you care to share it with me?

My family

Memories

Isn't it funny how some smells, sounds, commercials, can bring back a bunch of memories?

I received the most current Runner's World issue in the mail yesterday. I'm not sure exactly what triggered the memory, but I flashbacked to a year ago, when I was training for the Chicago Marathon.

I have not ran since Chicago. I didn't think not being able to finish would have such a big impact in my life. After all, it wasn't my fault. I didn't quit, the marathon did. I still believe I would have finished if given the chance.

The months following Chicago were difficult. I had trained so hard, for so long, and didn't get to accomplish the goal I had set for myself. I had sacrificed time away from my kids and my husband to train for this event, and it was all for nothing.

It has been 7 months since then. The wounds have healed. Even though I didn't finish the course, I came closer than I ever thought possible. I know I can run 22 miles. I know how far my body will go if I ask it to. I know I could have gone another 4 miles if allowed. I still call myself a marathoner.

So why haven't I ran in 7 months? Guilt, laziness, take your pick. I feel guilty to take time away from my kids to run. And yes, I rather sit around with the kids than get out in the humid afternoon and run a few miles.

There was something about holding that new issue of RW that sparked that desire to run again. I crave the sound of my feet pounding the pavement, the feeling of freedom, even the sweating. I like coming home after 30 minutes with a new boost of energy and being greeted at the door by my children.

I decided it's time to bring my running shoes back into rotation. My daughter is now old enough to go with me. She may not be able to run as far or as fast as me, but she'll be good company.

My goal is to run the Mississippi Blues Half Marathon on January 3. With my vacation coming up, I want to start running before we leave so I can start training once we return. Hopefully I'll be able to run the entire Chicago Marathon in 2009

Another year has passed

My twin boys are turning 2 today. How fast has time gone by!

This isn't their first birthday, but I've found myself thinking more about the day they were born than I did on thier first.
Maybe it is because the first year was harder, I was physically and mentally exhausted, and that milestone didn't really registered in my tired brain. I don't know.

All I know is 2 years ago today I became "a mother of three" and not just any three, a mother of twins.

The story goes something like this. We wanted a second child, and decided to let nature take its course. We had agreed early on we would not do any fertility treatments if things didn't happen naturally. Instead we would look into adoption.
Two years later, I had begun to research adoption, and that's when I found out we were expecting our number 2.
We told our daughter, who was 4 at the time, that she was going to have a baby brother and sister and her reply was "no, you are having 2 babies".

Little did we know she was right! On my first appointment, I asked the doctor (who is my good friend since our years at Ole Miss) if it was too early to see if there were, indeed, 2 babies in there. There are twins in my family, and well, I had a hunch. Lo and behold, there were 2 in there!

The pregnancy went better than expected. I had to go on bedrest but that's fairly normal for multiples. At exactly 34 wks and 1 day of gestation, the twins were born. One minute apart, 5 lbs and 4.5 lbs, 19 inches long.

To say my life has been changed forever would be an understatement. Anyone who is a parent has had their life changed.

It hasn't been easy, but then again, best things in life aren't always easy. Night feedings, diaper changes, laundry, everything multiplied by 3.

So are the hugs, the kisses, the "I love you", the smiles, the moments that you wish you could capture in film but will stay forever in your heart.

The boys are 2 now and have forged a bond that is hard to describe to parents of singletons. They are each other's "ying yang". They laughed together, cry together, and they say their last words before drifting to sleep to each other.
And they adore their big sister more than I could have ever imagine, and she adores them back.

Making a list, checking it twice...

Who knew going on vacation could be so stressful and fun, all wrapped up in one.

I have so much to do between now and the date we leave. It seems every time I think of something, another thing puts into my mind. I'll give you an example. We are going to fly out of New Orleans (because it's cheaper). Do we want an early flight, or a later flight? Earlier flight would mean we would have to spend the night close to the airport, but we would get to our final destination earlier. It would also mean getting 3 kids up at wee hours of the morning...
The later flight would be nice, except the airports would probably be more crowded, specially when our connecting flight leaves out of Miami.

Decisions, decisions.

I have also been thinking about taking souvenirs for some of our family/friends who will be letting us stay at their house. But I have not been able to come up with something original. I don't want to get anything that they could purchase there (there are a lot of American goods sold in Panama). I want something original, from MS.

Ideas? Please share with me your ideas of souvenirs I could get.

Home Sweet Home

The last time I visited my family in Panama was Christmas of '97. I had graduated college the year before, had a new job, and this was my first trip home as an "adult".

Ten years have passed without visiting home. I guess life got in "the way". I worked full time and started graduate school at night, later on met my husband, got married, had kids. Before I knew it, ten years had passed.

Not a day has gone by I haven't missed my family, my home. It's always there, in the back of mind, reminding me of those I left behind, of where I come from. It's a way of life for those of us who emigrate to another place.

I am finally going home after all this time, and this time I won't be alone. I am taking my husband and three children who have never seen the place of my birth, or the family that helped me become the person I am today.

Lots of planning and preparation that I wouldn't normally worry about: where to stay, should I rent a car or use public transportation, should I stay with family or in a hotel? There is a lot more to worry about when you are responsible for making this trip memorable for those you love.

I want this trip to be perfect, still I know nothing ever is. I want my husband to fall in love with the place of my birth, to meet the family that considers him one of them even though they have never met, to see the places where my childhood memories were made.

I want my kids to meet their family and to feel a part of them. I want them to embrace their heritage, to appreciate the sacrificies of those who came before them, and to feel a part of that country where their mom came to be.

Most of all, I want to go home and find that teenager, full of dreams and hopes, who left her home at 15 without knowing if she would ever come back, or if she would ever reach her dreams.

I want her to see the person she became, and the legacy she will leave on this planet in the lives of her children.

If you had 6 months...

to live, what would you do?

I know, that's not exactly something any of us wants to think about, just bear with me. There is a method to my madness and what I'm going to share in this blog may change the way you answer that question.

Just about a week ago, I settled down to watch TV before going to bed. I was not really sure what was on that particular night. As a matter in fact, I couldn't even tell what night it was.

I settled on Primetime on ABC. I like Diane Sawyer and I figured I could pseudo-watch as I worked on the crossword puzzle for that day. Little did I know...

That particular night, Diane was talking to Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon. If you didn't watch that show, you are probably wondering who he is and why am I blogging about his interview with Diane.

The story is simple. Randy is a computer science professor, 47 yr old, handsome, married, father of 3 kids, and has pancreatic cancer.

He gave a lecture based on a question about what he would do if he knew he was going to die and wanted to sum up everything that was important to him. The lecture was taped, later made it to the internet, millions saw it, and voila, he was famous.

I watched his interview with Diane and was immediately taken by this man. He is funny, and so positive, even though he knows his disease is winning. You can read the interview and watch a video here http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4614281&page=1 I should warn you, you may cry.

I cried watching this man enjoy every minute of his life, and then realizing how many times I've taken for granted the moments I've been given to be with those I love.


As I watched him talk about his kids and the things he wants his children to know about him once he is gone, I wondered, what would I want my kids to know about me, about my dreams, about the things I wanted to do before I left his earth? What bits of wisdom would I want them to carry with them thru life? How could I make sure I was with them in spirit through the difficult times ahead?

Always "evolving" list

this list started as a "50 things about me" project. Free time is a luxury these days and this is as far as I've gotten on my list.

1. I was born on January 22 and my parents’ anniversary was on Jan 21. My mother tried to convince her doctor to change my birthdate to the 21st, so that I could be their “anniversary present”. Thankfully, the doctor said no.

2. My oldest memory is my 3rd birthday party. I had a huge bunny pinata, and I was mad because I didn’t want anyone to hit it. It was MINE after all! Needless to say, I still get teased about it.

3. I hate being late, and most of my family is “in time” rather than “on time”. Growing up, I fought with my sisters every morning because we were always late for school because of them. To this day, when I plan things at my house, I tell them it’s scheduled for 1 hour earlier than it really is. That way they can always be on time.

4. I have an irrational fear of the ocean. Can’t explain it, I just get very anxious when I’m near it. No cruises for me!

5. I had my first job when I was 13, wrapping presents during Christmas at a store back home. December in Panama = HOT. The area where I worked was outside so I spent the entire month wrapping presents for $5.60 per day. Yes, per day, it was minimum wage. I thought I was rich.

6. I chose my career early my senior year in high school. Never hesitated. My junior year in college, I was feeling burnt out so I went to the career counselor. Took the test, and the counselor told me I had chosen the one that matched me the most. The only other option would have been chemistry. It figures.

7. I absolutely loved school. I looked forward to going to school and learning new things. Yes, I know, I’m a geek. I’d love to go back and get another degree on something completely opposite of what I do now, like English literature, or History.

8. I want to be a lawyer one day when I grow up, probably environmental law. That way I could use all my degrees.

9. I was in Panama during the American invasion (Dec 89). Years later while in college, I met Robb, who had been in the army, and had been deployed to Panama for the invasion. The stories he told me about it plus my memories of it paint a very different picture from what was reported here about it.

10. When I was 15, my family moved to Costa Rica because of the political turnmoil. We were considered “political refugees” while we were living there.

11. A year later, my family was homeless. We had lost our home in Panama, and didn’t have a home in Costa Rica anymore. We met an Episcopalian priest and his family, and they gave us a place to live in a small apartment adjacent to one of their chapels. I learned then God is always looking out for you, and help will come from places you wouldn’t expect it.

12. The day I arrived in New Orleans, everything Glenda and I owned fit inside one medium size suitcase. Many years later, the same size suitcase isn’t big enough for one week worth of clothes. I’m truly blessed.

13. When I was seven, I wanted to be an astronaut.

14. My first car was a ’79 Montecarlo. It was a great car, and I proudly parked it for 4 years alongside BMW, Mercedes, Acuras that were prevalent at my college campus.

15. I worked 2 jobs the summer before I entered college so I could save enough to take with me. I had $700 to my name the day I arrived at Ole Miss. I had no clue how I was going to make it, but I knew I was not leaving campus without a degree.

16. I was a resident advisor in college, to help pay for my food and other college expenses. I worked in a freshman dorm, and the other RAs became my friends and to this day, we still keep in touch.

17. I have very few close friends, but once someone enters that category, they will be my friends for life.

18. I have not spoken to my father in 10 years. I love him and understand his silence to an extent. Forgiveness isn’t easy but I have my kids to thank for teaching me to forgive my father’s shortcomings.

19. I have 3 other siblings from my father’s first marriage. A brother who is a policeman, a sister who is a SAHM of five kids, and a late sister, who died before I could meet her. I have a bunch of nephews, and some of them are old enough to have kids too so I’m a great aunt!

20. I didn’t know I had other siblings until I was 15. I had a dream I had a brother and mentioned it to my mother. That’s when she told me. My brother and living sister say I look a lot like my late sister. Even her sons were taken aback when they saw me for the first time.

21. If I could talk to one person who has passed, it would have to be the first one of my ancestors who came from Spain. I'd like to know why he/she made the trip.

22. When I was growing up, I was part of a dance company that performed traditional Panamanian dances. I enjoyed it very much, and often wish there was a regional group nearby so I could still participate.

23. At the age of 10, I participated in a public speaking competition. All the kids from 4th-6th grade were allowed to enter. My dad and I wrote the speech, and I still remember the first line from it "El respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz"-Benito Juarez (Peace is respecting someone else's rights). I won that competition.

24. I played basketball and softball in junior high, and played in an intermural basketball team in college.

25. I do not know how to swim.

About me

Got this interview from Sandi Beason at Mississippi Moms.

1: What is your favorite childhood memory?
Summers spent at my grandparents' house. My cousins and I would sit outside, under the stars, and tell stories.

2: Describe your personality?
Quiet, reserved, fiercily loyal.

3: What is your most embarrassing moment?
Nothing comes to mind at the moment. I guess I have blocked them out of my mind.

4: if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Spain, so I can trace back my ancestors

5: If you could change jobs, what would you do?
I would be a teacher.

Now it's your turn. If you want to be interviewed, leave me a comment including the words "Interview me." I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

New month, new office

Time to start over. Hopefully I will do a better job at keeping this blog updated.

I have moved into our new office. If you drive on Amite Street, our building is in the first intersection, corner of Amite and President. They are still working on the outside, and once it's finished, it's going to look great. I'm adjusting to this change, but overall it has been great.

I've decided that rather than blogging about nothing, I will blog about things that have been on my mind. First up, fertility.

I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the way back from the field the other day. A woman had called to get his opinion about borrowing $20K to undergo fertility treatments. I didn't get to hear his advice on the subject, but it got me thinking. Would I be willing to spend that much money and undergo all that treatment to bring a kid into this world? Would you?

I always thought if I couldn't have kids the old fashioned way, I would adopt. So many children out there who need loving parents, why not be that parent?

The thing that struck me was this woman said "I need to have a baby". I never felt I "needed" to have a kid. I wanted children, but I didn't need them as one needs a drink of water, or new clothes, or a car. I wanted them.

Perhaps she was emotional and chose the wrong word, I don't know. I kept wondering if she "needed" this baby as one needs a new purse, as a possession and not as the amazing gift a new life represents.

I'm not doing a very good job with this blog lately. I don't have internet at home (I'm back in the dark ages), and work is insane these days. I know, excuses.

Valentine's day is coming. I wonder, do most people celebrate V-day? We really don't, it's just a Hallmark holiday for us. We are more of the "everyday is special" type people. We'll get a card for no reason at all, send I love you messages on the phone, etc.

Now that we have Candace, Valentine's day is more about her. Claude will get her a little gift and a card, so she'll have a special valentine from her dad. That means more to me than a box of chocolates.

I guess the same is true for birthdays, since I didn't even buy a cake for mine. ha. I guess I could always bake one of my favorites, Tres Leches Cake. It's a Latin recipe, you mix 3 different types of milk, and let the cake soak up all the liquid. sooo good.

The boys are growing and talking more. Their favorite word is NO. At least that one comes in handy now that I want to potty train them.
They are funny creatures, those two. They are definitely good friends, they hardly ever fight, and they enjoy each other's company. If one is crying, the other one will start talking to him, in their own jibberish language, as if trying to find out what is wrong. Too cute. I guess that's a bond those of us who are not twins cannot understand.

I cannot believe these 3 kids are mine. Watching Candace become a kid and no longer a baby it's a humbling experience. This amazing little girl grew up inside of me, and I brought her into this world.

And the mere fact I carried those 2 boys inside of me at the same time and for 34 wks continues to blow my mind.

God has blessed me in more ways than I deserve.

My 2009 marathon

Well, it’s not that kind of marathon. Although I went to the kickoff meeting for Marathon Makeover, I didn’t sign up for training this year. I was tempted but the next time I do it, I want to do give it all and that requires time I don’t have right now. I want to be one of the fast people and run with Mandy, Cindy, Carey, and Kim.

Instead of training for Chicago, this year I’m preparing for my own kind of marathon. My first trip to Panama in 10 years.

10 years. I can’t believe I have not been home in 10 years. Last time, my mom and I went together. We spent Christmas there. I have to admit, it was a stressful trip. Flight had a connection in Miami and the flight from there to Panama was overbooked so mom and I spent the night at the airport.
I rented a car while I was there (so I could take my grandparents on day trips) and someone stole a headlight from the car. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except the rental car agency (a local one) tried to charge me $200 for a headlight. Now, this was a Nissan and these cars are very popular in Panama, so they could easily find one at a reasonable price. I ended up getting pretty mad and having them call a manager because I knew they were trying to overcharge me for the light. I was ready to come back by the time the trip was over.

Aside from the normal travel inconveniences, it was a good trip. This was the last time I saw my cousin Jose. He died in August of 2000, he was just 33. It won’t be the same to go home and not see him. And Abuelo is no longer there. Some of you remember, he died in Feb 07, while I was training for Chicago. He won’t be there either.

I’m still excited to go home. Claude has never been out of the country, so this is my chance to show him where I came from. I get to share this part of me with him, and that means the world. I also get to share it with Candace, who has seen pictures and heard stories about this “familia” she has back home. I finally get to share this wonderful girl who calls me Mami with the rest of my family. And even though the twins are young and probably won’t remember this trip, I’m happy they’ll get to meet their family.

Traveling home takes a lot of planning, even when it’s just one person going. Imagine how much more work it is to travel with 3 kids! There is passports to get, bags to pack, where will we stay, do we need a rental car, itinerary to plan, etc.

But I’m excited. I think this will bring Candace and I closer together. She will have a rare opportunity to see how blessed she is. My family back home is not wealthy. They have very little when it comes to material possessions. I want her to see how lucky she is to have her own room, her own TV, her own toys. I had none of that growing up. I want her to appreciate how hard Claude and I work to provide a nice living for her and her brothers. I think at her age, she’ll be able to grasp and understand this.

I also think this glimpse into my past will help Claude understand better who I am. It is not that he doesn’t know me, but one thing is to hear someone tell about their life, and another to see exactly where they came from.

So I will be blogging more about travel plans as the months go by. I’d like to go sometime between mid May and mid July but we haven’t picked the exact days yet.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Had a birthday on Tuesday. 34 years old. Growing up, I always thought 30 would be the official “I’m getting old” milestone. I think Abuelo was right, age is really not important, it’s how old we feel. Most days I still feel 23!

Birthdays were a big deal in my family growing up. We had parties, and by that I mean more than just cake and ice cream. I remember inviting the neighbors, adults and kids, and having music, food, cake, lots of dancing. The first time I went to a birthday party here I was quite disappointed, no music, no adults. Quite an adjustment. We still try to keep the tradition alive, it’s not a party unless there is dancing. So when we get together to celebrate, there has to be dancing and lots of food.
But since my birthday was during the week, I didn’t have a party. I told the kids I’d get a cake this weekend so they could have some cake. My husband gave me a pretty ring with 3 hearts on it, one for each of the kids.

I need to take the kids to get passport pictures so we can send their applications. I need to get those in quickly before people start planning their summer vacations. Otherwise, they’ll get backed up like they did last year.

I haven’t been blogging much because I really don’t have much to say. I’m going to be at the MM meeting Saturday morning with my brother in law, who wants to do MM this year. I really hope he decides to do it. As much as I miss everyone, I have other plans for this year and I don’t want to sign up unless I can properly train for it. So 2009 it is.

Forever learning

I am still working on getting my office ready for the move. What a task!

In all honesty, it has given me a chance to declutter my office and get rid of things I no longer need. Before I moved to this division, my area of expertise was air pollution control. I spent 10 yrs learning about regulations, and prevention. 10 years. That pretty much encompasses my entire career.

Making the decision to move to a new division was not easy because I knew I would have to start over. This division deals with the cleanup of contaminated sites, and that means soil and groundwater, not air. So I'm learning a new trade. Although I like it here, it has been hard to adjust. I went from being one of the "experts" to being the new kid. It has been an experience.

But change can be good and I'm enjoying this new area. I still miss doing what I liked best but life moves on, and in this field, experience in all aspects of the environment is a must. So I made the right decision by switching divisions.

I decided to get a new certification. This certification requires both a written and an oral test; and 10 yrs of experience in one area of environmental engineering. If I pass, I will get to add some extra letters to my name when I write letters (BCEE), in addition to the PE (Professional Engineer). I also get a 5% raise. That's 5% of my current salary. A very good raise, considering raises in state government are far and few in between. It also means I have to study hard for these tests so I can pass and get my raise.

BCEE stands for Board Certified Environmental Engineer. It is an accreditation offered by the American Academy of Environmental Engineers, and it basically means that if you have it, you are an "expert" in a particular area of environmental engineering.

Why can't I get away from studying? I guess I'm just an eternal student.

Broken Resolutions

One of my new year resolutions was to curse less. A lot less. Well, I’m here to admit I have broken that one already and by a long shot.

Our agency is moving to 2 different buildings. Currently, the agency is housed in 2 separate buildings, one in South Jackson, and one downtown, across from the Federal Building. This time, both buildings are downtown, and from what I hear, much nicer too.

Those of us who were lucky enough to be in the downtown building had very nice offices. At least mine was. Corner office, 3 large windows, plenty of room for the pictures of the kids, diplomas, etc. That is ending soon, way too soon. As of next month, we will no longer have offices, we’ll have work stations.

Unless you are a manager, you will not have a real office. You will have a workstation (we have been instructed NOT to call them cubicles).

Did I mention I hate packing and moving? Yes, I have a phobia of sorts when it comes to moving. You could say it stems from moving a lot when I was growing up. All I know is I hate packing/unpacking, even if it’s just for a short trip. I’m one of those “last minute packers”, not because I’m a procrastinator, but because I dread the thought of packing.

I have issues. Not only do I have to pack my nice office, I’m having to downsize quite a bit. My diploma, the pictures of my kids, my plant, they are all going home because plants are not allowed in the new building, we can’t hang stuff from the walls of our cubiCELLs, and the work space is so small we won't have room for pictures.

And the move is bringing up other issues, among them, the fact I was passed over for a promotion to management last year. Someone less qualified was given the job, even though I was doing technically doing the work while they hired a replacement. Do I have to tell you why he was hired? Let’s just say he had something I didn’t, and it had nothing to do with qualifications. Enough said.

Throw all that in the mix and you have a very cranky me. Woe is me.

It’s not to say I have issues with change. I don’t think I do. God knows I have had to adapt to different situations many times in my life. I think my issues with this move have less to do with the physical part of it, and more to do with the fact some other person is getting a nice office, and he doesn’t deserve it.

Yet I have to continue to smile, and be nice to this person, because maybe, one day in the future, he will be in upper management and I don’t want to have enemies in upper management. I’m not very good at being a hypocrite.

One good thing about this move, it is giving me a chance to reevaluate my career. Am I in the place I wanted to be 10 yrs ago? Am I headed in the right direction? I’m not sure. I’m staying here for now, putting my name in as many leadership “hats” as possible, and waiting. There is always law school, specially now that MC is offering a 5 yr program for people who work full time. We’ll see. At least there are other options out there.

In the meantime, I will continue to pack, and dread the move. And yes, probably continue to curse while I’m doing it.

Friendships and Parenting

“Parents of young children should realize that few people, and maybe no one, will find their childrent as enchanting as they do" - Barbara Walters.

Isn't that the truth? I love my kids but I also know everyone isn't going to love them as I do. The truth is, I'm not a "kids' person". I never was the person others asked to babysit, I didn't like to play with kids, I can honestly tell you I didn't like kids. Maybe I still don't?

I love my kids, and I also like them. They are funny, and charming, and I enjoy having them around. But I also know they can be disruptive, and they still have a lot to learn when it comes to good manners. And it's up to me to teach them how to be polite and likeable people.

This weekend Candace was invited to the movies by her friend V and her parents. V's parents have been our friends for years, long before Claude and I even met. So we are glad that our daughters are friends, for the most part. Candace came home upset after her outing. They had invited another school friend too, and apparently V alienated Candace during the outing to be with the other kid. It hurt my kid's feelings. I don't have to tell you I wasn't too happy about it, but what could I do?
Then, as she was getting ready for bed, Claude saw that she had holes in her pants, and asked her what happened. She said V had pushed her down and she fell. WHAT? Needless to say, I was beyond mad.
I had to compose myself and explain to Candace why I was mad about the incident. It is not OK to treat friends that way and she should not allow her friend V to be mean to her. I'm not sure if I got the message across, how do you teach a 6 yr old what's acceptable in a friendship?

This isn't the first time V has done this. As a matter in fact, she hit Candace in the face once before, at our house and in front of me. I immediately stepped in and told her that behavior was not acceptable because we are not to treat friends that way. She was not pleased, as a matter in fact she rolled her eyes at me. I did tell her parents about the incident and how I handled it. They were less than pleased.

Was I out of line?

Growing up, every time we left the house our parents reminded us about the rules and how they applied anywhere we were. We knew if we misbehaved at someone's house, we were in even bigger trouble than if it had happened at home. We were a direct reflection of our parents and as such, we were expected to be polite, and well behaved at all times.

I wonder sometimes if I'm a misfit because I'm culturally different from other parents. Other times I think culture has nothing to do with it. V's parents are Hispanic too, just like me. We speak the same "culture", so why do we have such different parenting ideas?

When they dropped Candace off that night, they came in the house to visit. They also have a 3 yr old son, whom they admit behaves pretty badly. I blame the parents, not the child, for his behavior. The boy took some of twin's toys and started to play. Braden, being his social self, went up to the boy and wanted to play with him. The boy PUSHED him! His parents were sitting right in front, and did nothing! I was beyond mad, and told Braden to go and defend himself. As if that wasn't enough, he then proceeded to throw a toy at my child.

I'm sure you are wondering what the parents did. The mother told him "honey, please don't do that, please", in the sweetest tone and that was it. Had it been my kid, I would have taken the toys away, told him to stop being a brat and put him on time out right then, after giving him a good pat on his butt.

I know times have changed. These days spanking is no longer practiced, and we are all zen about raising kids. I agree that children deserve respect as any other person, and should be talked to rather than talked down to. BUT at some point, we have to be the parents and provide guidance for those kids.

I don't spank my kids often, and when I do, it's a pat on the butt to get their attention. I discipline often like my parents did, I take priviledges away and explain to Candace why I'm doing it. With the twins, even though they are young, they get a time out (which usually lasts a whole second but at least they are getting the idea), and they have to hug whomever they hurt/offended.

I'm not a perfect parent but I have little tolerance for children who have no manners. I expect my kids to respect all elders, anyone who is older than them must be respected, whether it's their cousin or their grandparents. I don't care if I'm not there, they are expected to be polite and courteous, specially when we are at someone else's house.

Does it always work? Of course not, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up. My parents didn't give up and I am thankful for that. I finally learned that some behaviors are not acceptable, whether at home, school, or work. I believe I'm a better person because they weren't afraid to show me the error of my ways and point me in the right direction, and even more so, they weren't afraid to discipline me.

So my question is, do you discipline your friends' kids if they are misbehaving in your presence? Or your nieces/nephews? I do. Maybe that's why I'm not very popular with some parents. Then again, my 16 yr old niece, whom I have disciplined plenty of times, loves me and we have a very close relationship. Perhaps I'm not all wrong after all.

Resolutions for 2008

Quote of the day
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds." Albert Einstein

So here we are. Friday. Looking forward to the weekend, even if it includes doing chores. I have Mt. Laundry growing inside my house and it has to be tamed.

Since this is 2008, I thought I list my resolutions (some are more like guidelines).

1. Tell my kids I love you all the time. It's so sad that so many kid shows send the message that parents just don't care for their kids. I want to make sure my kids know I love them.
2. Yell less. even if I'm running late and Candace is still lollygagging around the house, I can't find my keys, and the twins are hiding in Candace's room.
3. Read more, specially more of the "classics"
4. Stop cursing, even when I'm stuck in traffic, or my boss is driving me nuts.
5. Take my kids to Panama, and my husband too. I want them to see where I come from. It'll help them better understand why I am so adamant about not wasting food, or helping the needy.
6. Go skydiving.
7. Run for fun.
8. Be a better friend
9. Do more charity work with my daughter. I want her to see how rewarding it is to do things for others.
10. Laugh more.

Yesterday morning, on our way to school, Candace was looking through one of my Runner's World magazine and found an ad that showed kids running in a race. She turned to me and said "I want to do that". I don't have to tell you how proud I was in that moment. So I told her we are going to find a race this spring that has a 1-mile fun run that she can participate in. I have been looking at the MS Track Club's website and trying to decide which one would be a good one to do with her.

I guess that means I need to find her some proper attire too. Do they even make running clothes in kids' sizes?