Friday, July 1, 2011

On Life and other things

It has been a while since I blogged.  Blame it on life, I simply got busy, then started thinking I really have nothing to say.  You can figure out the rest.
I still may not have anything to say but blogging is quite therapeutic for me, and lord knows, I'm in need of therapy these days.  So here it goes.

Summer is here, and with it, the most torturous time in a woman's life: Bathing Suit Season.  Life was so much easier 10 years ago, when I was fit and in great shape, and stupid enough to pass on the opportunity to wear a two piece.
Here I am now, older, wiser (ha!), and with three kids who love everything water.  Of course, I no longer have that body, but now I'm forced to either go to the pool in a t-shirt and shorts, or find a bathing suit that "flatters" my new figure.

The first thing people tell me when I say I'm on a diet is "why, you don't need to lose weight".  Well, looks can be (and are in my case) deceiving.  I can afford to lose 15 pounds and still be within the recommended weight range for my height.  But that's easier said than done.  The older I've gotten, the harder it is to get rid of the weight.  So I'm embarking (again!) on that journey.  Wish me luck.  I love food.

As if trying to lose weight was not enough, I've also been dealing with the "blues" lately.  And I don't mean the BB King, Breeze Kings type. 
Call it the blues, depression, under the weather, it really boils down to one thing, you just feel blah, without energy or desire to do anything, not even those things you enjoy the most.

I have found most people have a misguided idea that one has to have a reason to be depressed in order to suffer from depression.  If I had a $1 for every time I've been asked "why are you depressed, you have a great _______", I'd have enough money to take a European vacation.
I'm no expert when it comes to mental illness, but I do know, in my case at least, I don't need a reason.  It just happens.  I've been told by those who know more about depression than I, that it can be caused by stress.  well, hello!  Working mother of 3 on aisle one!  

Other people have pointed out I must not be a good Christian, otherwise I would not be affected by depression.  Their logic is, if you trust in the Lord, then you don't have anything to be worried/stressed about.  Sounds simple, right?  In my opinion, if they were better Christians, they would be trying to HELP, not JUDGE.  But I digress.

Different people get affected differently, and for me stress is a trigger.  Most of the time I can "see" it coming, I can notice when doing normal things becomes harder and when the things I enjoy fall by the wayside.  I missed all the signs this last time, and didn't realize what was happening until it had already happened.  It took having an anxiety attack (another one of those fun side effects) to realize something was off.

Thing is, most people don't have a clue I've been dealing with this.  I still get out of bed every day, go to work every day, take care of the house/kids/chores/husband (not in that order), and do the things that need to get done in order to keep our life in order.  
Some people think depressed people are in a dark room, sleep all the time, never seeing anyone.  I guess there are some of those people out there, but I'm not one of them.  Unless you knew me well, you probably wouldn't see a difference in me.

Aside from the "blah" feeling, my body sends me signals too.  I get the aches and pains that make me wonder if my parents got my birthday wrong in the birth certificate.  All of those are a sign that something is off.

I'm on the other side of the D valley now.  One step at a time, climbing back out of the pit.  Good days and bad days.  Granted, anyone who reads this will know, but those who don't, will probably not notice a difference at all.  

And that's my point for this rambling. (I do have a point!).  Never judge a book by its cover.  Someone may be dealing with something big and show no signs whatsoever.  Be kind to everyone and treat people as you would like to be treated; because you never know what they are dealing with.

One last word of advice, if someone tells you they are dealing with weight issues, or depression; be supportive.  Life is a challenge without having to answer 20 questions every time you share a bit about yourself with others.