Just call me Bette

Deanna had this quiz in her blog, so I figured it was perfect for a Friday blog. Just call me Bette

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Bette!

You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"

Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Stand up for yourself... and me.


• * Be confident, strong, and direct.


• * Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.


• * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.


• * Give me space to be alone.


• * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.


• * I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.


• * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Bette

• * being independent and self-reliant


• * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on


• * being courageous, straightforward, and honest


• * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life


• * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me


• * upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Bette

• * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to


• * being restless and impatient with others' incompetence


• * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it


• * never forgetting injuries or injustices


• * putting too much pressure on myself


• * getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Bettes as Children Often

• * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit


• * are sometimes loners


• * seize control so they won't be controlled


• * figure out others' weaknesses


• * attack verbally or physically when provoked


• * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Bettes as Parents

• * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted


• * are sometimes overprotective


• * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Back in First Grade

All of a sudden, I've found myself back in first grade. I'm not too happy about it either. Don't get me wrong, I want to help my daughter do her best in school and to have fun learning new things. But I need a manual just to get through every week of school.

Has school gotten harder as the years go by? Is it more demanding now that I'm a mom, or have I just forgotten what it was like?

Part of the curriculum for this year includes the accelerated reader program. Those of you with older kids probably already know about this. It is a noble program because it gets the children interested in reading, and it keeps them reading. What I don't like it's the point system and the competition factor.

The school has an "honor" award to reward those kids who have achieved the goal for the year. This year the goal is 20 pts, that's probably 40 books because each book is worth half a point.
The kids have to take a test on the books they read, and if they pass, the score counts toward the total points.

Sounds simple enough, right? What's wrong with wanting the kids to read and become interested in reading?

I wish the focus was more on reading than on getting points, or reading approved books. We have several good books that are not on "the list" that are probably going to be put aside until summer simply because we have to get through the AR books. Then there is the test part. Where is the fun of reading a book if you know there will be a test afterwards?

I hated history while in school because of all the reading. I didn't care to memorize dates, history was, well, history. Until I became older and started reading about it for fun. It became something I wanted to know about. I didn't have to remember dates, I could just enjoy the books now.

I don't want Candace to become so focused on reading to pass a test that she will miss out on the joy of reading. I watch her read books because she "has to" that may not interest her; only because they are "approved" on someone's list.

I've found myself creating spreadsheets and cataloging books according to their AR status, and picking out of the "good" ones for her to read. I read them myself so I can ask her questions and make sure she understood what she read, so she can take the test.

How do I balance all this out so she can read what she likes and still have time to read the required books? I'm not sure. For now, we are going along with the required books. Hopefully she will begin to enjoy reading the books, and forget about the points. I hope.

Helping the children

There have been a lot of commercials and even an hour long fundraising commercial about children in other countries. The poorest of the poor.

Last weekend, as I was tackling the mountain of clothes that needed to be folded, my daughter came in the room crying. At first, I thought maybe her brothers had decided to team up against her, and had hurt her. I asked what was wrong.

Still crying, she tells me she just saw a commercial on TV showing all these poor children all over the world, who have nothing to eat, some don't even have any parents. She said it was so sad it made her cry.

I held back the tears. She asked me to call the number on TV so we could send them some money to help these kids. I told her we would, but I wanted to make sure these were good people who truly help the kids, so I would do some research and together we would pick who to send the money to.

I was touched. She is only 7. I wonder how many adults watched the same show, and flip to another channel so they wouldn't have to see what being poor in another country looks like. I wonder how many felt nothing when they see these commercials.

There are tons of different groups who help many different groups of people, here and abroad. Whether you want to help with literacy, hunger relief, support research efforts, the list is endless. I personally support a few that are close to my heart, maybe because someone in my family suffers from a particular disorder, or because I have witnessed first hand the work that group does.

My daughter has not forgotten about the promise I made or the children she saw on TV. She asked again last night when we are going to pick a group to send our money too. I am happy to see she understands and appreciates the blessings God has bestowed upon our family. Perhaps it is more than just the commercial on TV.

Part of the reason I wanted her to go to Panama was that I wanted her to see how other people lived. How I onced lived. I wanted her to see first hand what it meant to be poor, to struggle, and still to wake up every morning, thankful to see another day.

We didn't have to travel far during our trip to Panama to see poverty. We didn't even have to look for it, as my own family is poor. You could call us the working poor, I guess. They may not have all the luxuries my daughter has, they have their basic needs and their love for life remains intact.

I am proud to see that even at her young age, she is able to appreciate how fortunate she is. Even more so, I'm proud that she wants to reach out to those children who are suffering and help them out.

I'm now tasked with finding the right group to sponsor. I have many different ideas, perhaps I should just pick a family from Panama and send them the money directly, perhaps I should contact a group in Panama who does this type of work. I'm weighing all the possibilities.

In the meantime, I am thankful that my daughter has reminded me how fortunate I am, and how it is now my responsibility to give back to those who need my help.

Math

I've been hitting a "blogger block", so decided to google ideas to spice up my blog (you know it's bad when you get bored with your own blog!). I found a blog with many different topics. They seemed silly at first, then I thought, yeah, why not. I chose to write about my worst subject.

The minute I tell people I'm an engineer, they immediately blur out "wow, you must be very smart" or "you must really like math". Well, I'm not smarter than the average person, and my IQ would prove it.

So imagine their surprise when I tell them, my worst subject, the one I hated the most throughout my entire educational experience, was math.

I vividly remember one night in Elementary school. I think I was in second grade at the time, and we were learning long division. My sister Joyce had volunteered to help me (she is way smarter!), and show me an easy way to do it.
We sat at the dinner table, and she started to show me how to work the problem and gave me a couple of problems to solve. As I became more and more frustrated, I began to cry, and as I began to cry, I became angry with myself because I was crying. You get the idea. I was a sobbing mess. I could not understand how anyone could think learning long division would be beneficial to anyone. Had they ever heard of calculators? Joyce patiently kept waiting for me to stop sobbing, and finally I "got it".

After it was all over, I recalled making a promise to my mother, I was never going to study anything that required me to do math. I was going to choose a career as far away from math as possible.

Little did I know I would end up breaking that promise.

Perhaps I am a masochist, I don't really know. I liked school from the very first day my parents dropped me off in kindergarten class. I liked making good grades, other subjects came easy for me. I wasn't about to let math ruin my grades, so I made it a point to study harder for that subject than for any others. I wanted to maintain good grades, and by golly, math would not get the best of me.

So it began, my love/hate relationship with math.

My senior year in high school came and it was time to think about college, and possible majors. I really liked chemistry, more than any other subject, but I didn't want to work in a lab. As fate would have it, my teacher at the time took our class to a conference about women in science and engineering. That's where I had the most brilliant idea of my life: I would study chemical engineering. It involved chemistry (which I loved ) and math (which I loathed). Besides, the salaries were appealing, why not give it a shot?

So I embarked into a long journey with my worst enemy. We had our rough times, but I would not let "it" get the best of me, or get in the way of achieving my goal. I would not quit because of it. I have scar battles ( and several dead brain cells) but I won the war. I finished my degree in engineering.

In second thought, maybe I am a masochist. As if one degree in engineering wasn't enough, I went back for more. A master's in engineering. Maybe hate turned to love in the end?

On my way

I'm a believer one must state their intentions out loud in order to make them real. So here is one on my list of intentions for this year,

I am on my way to a healthier me.

There, now it is real.

I have known (for a while now) that I have put on a few more pounds than I'd like to admit. I have been in denial, mostly because I figured as long as I fit in my clothes, I really don't care about weight all that much.

Then reality came calling. In a few more days, I will be turning 35. I'm no longer the college kid who survived engineering school on Milky Way bars and Coca Cola. I cannot longer eat the way I used to and be healthy.

That's not to say I'm not healthy. My cholesterol, blood sugar, and other things are within the "normal acceptable" range. But those are just numbers. I know I can do better when it comes to my nutrition.

So with the help of a group of coworkers, I am determined to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
This won't be easy. Giving up things that you really, really like; and adding things to your diet that you really, really could do without, is never easier.

One of the people in the group asked me why would I join this group of people, where the majority are trying to lose weight, since I have no weight to lose? In reality, I could afford to lose a few pounds. But it is not about the pounds for me.

I need more energy. As my children get older, my life gets more hectic and more demanding. I work outside the house fulltime and my "other job" begins when I walk in the door. I also need to know I'm setting a good example for my kids. They will do what I do, and not what I say.

So in order to achieve my goal to a healthier lifestyle, I decided to make myself a list of things I will start to do to get me on my way.

1) I will drink one glass of milk every day.
Seems simple enough but I do not like milk. I have had issues with lactose intolerance and since then, simply cannot bring myself to drink it. But I need the calcium, my bones need it, and well, it just has to be done.

2) I will eat more vegetables.
I am not a veggie eater. I will eat a green salad, I will try zuchinni, and even squash, but the rest, I rather not put on my plate. Give me a side of potatoes instead!

3) I will limit my caffeine intake to one cup of coffee per day.
This is a big one. I love my coffee, gotta have my coffee every morning. It's all fine unless you drink too much of it. With a family history of osteoporosis, I really need to limit mine, and get more calcium in my diet.

4) I will exercise at least 30 min 3 times a week
I trained for a marathon in 2007. I survived running 22 miles in the MS summer. I woke up at 3 AM so I could join my running buddies for our long runs at the Rez. So why is it so hard now to get up 30 minutes earlier and workout? Because I've become lazy. There is no excuse.

5) I will pack my lunch at least 4 times a week.
With Keifer's and Basil's a block from me, it is very easy to stop bringing lunch.

There are more, I'm sure I will think of more as I go along this journey. If I lose weight in the process, fine. If I don't, fine too. I just want to feel good when I get out of bed in the morning, energized, and ready to start my day.

Happy 2009!

It is a new year, but the old left a lot of lessons to be learned.

I got this from a friend, rather than email it to everyone I know, I'll just put it here.

1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I started teaching Sunday school to a group of 3rd-4th graders. They are such amazing kids and they have helped me increase my faith.

2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any for last year. This year, the main resolution I have is to have fun, laugh often, and step outside my comfort zone.

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Terri gave birth in August, then my friend Mari gave birth in time for Christmas. and Mandy, she had Ethan this year!

4) Did anyone close to you die?
Some of my husband's family died but we weren't very close to them.

5) What countries did you visit?
Panama

6) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More alone time with my husband

7) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Our anniversary (May 20), kids' birthdays (May 1 and September 12).

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I visited my father after 10 years, and my kids had a chance to meet him.

9) What was your biggest failure?
No failures, a few disappointments

10) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Illness, some. No injuries.

11) What was the best thing you bought?
Dual screen DVD player for the car. It was a lifesaver during our trip to Panama.

12) Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My husband's, who made the decision to be a stay at home dad.

13) Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
One person comes to mind, but karma will catch up with her eventually.

14) Where did most of your money go?
To pay all debts (finally debt free!) and medical expenses from Cade's ER visits.

15) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Signing up for watercolor painting class (starting in 3 weeks!)

16) What song will always remind you of 2008?
Jesus Loves me, because it was the first one Candace learn to play in the piano.

17) Compared to this time last year, are you:- happier or sadder? happier.- thinner or fatter? fatter- richer or poorer? moneywise, the same, but richer in the things that truly count.

18) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Taken time to step outside my comfort zone.

19) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Get frustrated when things don't go the way I planned.

20) Did you fall in love in 2008?over and over again

21) What was your favorite TV program?
Brothers & Sisters.

22) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. I may dislike some people, but I don't hate anyone.

23) What was the best book you read?
Strange Sons by Portia Iversen. It's about her autistic son, her journey with him, another mother she meets with a child very similar to hers. Very powerful.

24) What was your greatest musical discovery?
High School Musical songs. ha.

25) What did you want and get?
a day of pampering

26) What did you want and not get?
the lottery

27) What was your favorite film of this year?
Sex and the City movie, because that's the only one I saw this year.

28) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked, turned 34

29) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Same as 2007, shorter hair, if it fits, I wear it.

30) What kept you sane?
my husband (while simultaneously driving me insane some days).

31) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Brad Pitt

32) What political issue stirred you the most?
The whole thing, people questioning the candidates ability only because of gender or race.

33) Who did you miss?
My family back home.

34) Who was the best new person you met?
My daughter's piano teacher. She is 94 years old, and still has her mind intact. She loves music and loves kids, and her passion keeps her going. She is such an example.

35) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Take the time to laugh, forgive, and enjoy life.

36) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Tell everybody I'm on my way, and loving every step I take...with the sun shining down, yes I'm on my way, I can't keep the smile off my face"

Reminder

The holiday season has begun for us, but not without its share of drama. But I guess in the midst of it all, we have been reminded again of what is important.

It isn't about the gifts, the food, the obligations we have to entertain other. It is about love, commitment, family.

We woke up Christmas day as we had many other Christmases. The kids were thrilled to see what Santa had left under our tree, and ready to put it all to good use. Grandparents came over to have breakfast with us, and I placed a call to my mom, who was late for our celebration.

She had been sick all of the night before, and was not feeling well. We weren't quite sure what was wrong with her, but she was not doing well. Mom isn't the type to succumb to illness, she will go to work if she can, even when ill. For her to stay in bed is a huge ordeal and a sign of things not going well.

I headed over to her house, along with 2 of my sisters, and we did our best to make her comfortable. The rest of the days have been spent at doctor's offices, and the ER. We finally have a diagnosis, and a course of treatment. She will need surgery but at least we found the cause of all her discomfort.

None of us really minded that our Christmas was unusual. We did what was right and took care of our mother's need. We cancelled our get together and hope to reschedule it later so we can exchange gifts. There have been no complaints, not even from the kids who don't quite understand what's happening.

In a way, this year reminded us of what's truly important. It is not about having the perfect decorations, perfect food, perfectly set table. It's about family, about taking care of each, about love.

Nochebuena

Tomorrow is Nochebuena, Christmas Eve. Wow. This month flew by and Christmas was here before I knew it.

Nochebuena was probably my favorite day of the whole season when I was a kid. The anticipation, the excitement, the food. It was almost as if the air smelled like Christmas. I miss that. I wish I could take my family back to Panama for Christmas, so they could see how I celebrated growing up. One day soon...

I miss my home this time of the year, every year since I moved here. I miss the sound of villancicos (carols), the smell of the food being prepared, the festive atmosphere that just cannot be replicated, no matter how much I try.

This year, I will try to replicate a tiny bit of my Navidad in my home, for my children to experience: in the food, the christmas carols, the anticipation. Maybe one year soon, they'll get to experience an authentic Panamanian Christmas

The Christmas Season

I was cleaning the kitchen last night, when my daughter came in and sadly said she will be so sad when Christmas is over. I asked her what was the reason behind her sadness, and she said that once Christmas day is over, then Christmas will be over too.

I love moments like those when I can tell her about my life as a child, when I was her age, and have her undivided attention.

So I began to tell her about our Christmas season. I'm Catholic, and growing up in a country where the majority of the people were also Catholic meant our holidays were heavily centered around their Christian meaning. Yes, there were presents and Christmas trees, but we were reminded every step of the way, whether at home or at school, of the real meaning of the holiday.

My Christmas celebration has never ended on Christmas day. My tree doesn't come down, I keep everything as it is until January 6. That's when my Christmas season ends. Growing up, I didn't really know the reason behind keeping the decorations up so long. Everyone else did it, and so did we. It was what we did.

As I've gotten older, I have learned the reason why we did that. Our church celebrates the Christmas season from Dec 25th until January 6. I guess it is simple if you think about it. The story of salvation didn't end with the birth of the Savior, it is just the beginning. There were other things that happened after his birth and during his infancy that were also important and we conmemorate those too. It all ends with the Epiphany, or the day we celebrate the visit from the Magi, the three Wise men.

I explained all this to her in terms she could understand. Regardless of how your worship, Christmas doesn't have to end on Christmas day. The message of Christmas, the giving of unselfish love that God showed us, doesn't end that day, and we shouldn't stop celebrating it just because our decorations are no longer on display.

She seemed to be satisfied with the answer. Who doesn't want to continue to celebrate Christmas a bit longer? I just hope our decorations survive until then. My sons seem to think they need to redecorate every day. They keep moving ornaments around, and rearranging our Nativity scene. Let's home we have decorations left until the Epiphany.

Merry Christmas!

Memories

It's funny how the simplest of things can bring up a mountain of memories. After I put the twins to bed, I started wrapping some Christmas gifts that need to make their way to a friend across the country. It was then that a flood of memories came to me.

I had my first job at the age of 14, wrapping Christmas gifts at a store back in my hometown. My cousin, who was a bit older than me, was working there for the holidays, and got me the job. I was so excited because I had the chance to make my own money and spend it in whatever I wanted.

At the time, there was not a mall in my hometown. The majority of the stores were on one street, lined up on both sides. The stores would all have big speakers right outside, playing Christmas music and trying to lure people into their stores. The stores are not air conditioned, not that it would matter because, in order to deal with the crowd, the doors remain open.

December is the beginning of the hot season in Panama, very little rain, and lots of sun. The gift wrapping area was outside, in front of the store, right on the sidewalk. There was no shade to cover us when the hot afternoon sun was in full force.
I worked the entire month in the heat, and never even noticed. Since the gift wrapping was free, almost everyone took advantage of it, and as the day got nearer, the crowd of people got larger and larger. I wrapped gifts until 11 PM on Christmas Eve that day, and walked home with my cousin (I lived about 5 minutes walk from the store) shortly after.

I remember how proud I was when I received my paycheck. I can't remember the exact amount but it couldn't have been much. Back in those days, minimum wage was $5.60 per day.
It was hard work, but I was happy I was able to do for myself.

A lot has changed since then, I've had many other jobs too. I still remember that job with fondness. It taught me the value of hardwork, no matter what job you are doing. It also taught me how valuable an education would be.

Now I wrap gifts for those that I love, and thank the heavens for the lessons I learned back then.

The Question

To-do or not-to-do, that is the question. Or at least the subject of today's rambling.

I recently suscribed to Real Simple magazine. I had bought one at the store, loved it, and ended up buying a suscription from a friend's son, they were selling suscriptions as a fundraiser.

Anyway, I received the new one yesterday, the official Jan 09 issue. I was anxiously waiting to see what new ideas I could incorporate into my not-really-simple life. This issue actually centered around to-do lists.

I used to keep to-do lists, that's how I survived engineering schools. There were design reports, lab reports, homeworks, tests, more reports that needed to be turned in on time. I had to keep a list so I would know what needed to get done next. As my life became more hectic, my lists got longer and longer until they were no longer manageable. I stopped making them.

I can get things done without one, and my life would be less hectic if I kept a list, but they just don't work for me. I've taken time management classes that praise list making as the best thing ever invented. I just cannot keep one. That's not to say I don't have lists. I keep lists of projects, reports that need to be reviewed, these are "master" lists, not daily lists.

I attended the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" seminar back in July and loved the whole thing. I even tried to apply the habits to my life and was doing really well until I went on vacation. You can't plan your days while on vacation. Habit 3 is First Things First. All about prioritizing and making lists, and deciding what should come first. It all sounds great, unfortunately once my priority list is set, I will very likely get a phone call from the boss, telling me a new project has moved up to the top of the list, and the list will no longer be valid. Back to square one.

I love the end of the year, not only because Christmas is my favorite holiday, but because the end of the year is near. All those things I promised myself I would do at the beginning of the year, that list of "resolutions" , I can toss it all away and start fresh once January 1 rolls around.

So, rather than trying to plan the rest of the year, I've decided to give the whole planning/prioritizing/to-do list another try after the holidays. If nothing else, this can be part of the whole "New Year resolution" list. After all, I may need something to "toss away" by this time next year.

Adventure at the mall

I decided to venture out of the house with all three of the kids yesterday. I'm pretty certain my husband thought I had lost my mind. My friend Veronica was very quick to point out how "brave" I was to go to the mall with not just one but three kids in tow.

I kept telling myself I could handle this. This isn't international travel, it is just a trip to Northpark. How bad could it be?

We arrived at Northpark and I unloaded the double stroller. I told all the kids what behavior I was expecting from them and the consequences they would face if they misbehaved. There was nothing but silence in the backseat of the car as I started to unload them, one by one.

First stop was the food court. Every time my daughter and I head out together we have lunch either at McAlister's or Chick Fil A. Neither of these have a branch near our house, so it is a special treat. We ordered her lunch from McAlister's and got a table. The boys quickly decided they didn't need the stroller, and sat at the table. For a few minutes, I debated with myself. Do I wait for Candace to be finished with her food before I go order some Chick Fil A for the twins, do I leave the twins at the table with her, do I take the twins with me, do I take them all with me?

Decisions, decisions. Candace has been trained when it comes to strangers and what to do. Besides, the table was near enough I could see her while ordering food for the twins. So I took the boys with me, we ordered while watching her, and came back to the table. First obstacle had been conquered.

They got back in the stroller and we headed to find Santa Claus. Everyone was excited to see him, including me. I was daydreaming of the money I would spend ordering pictures with Santa. I didn't even notice the stares that met us everywhere we went, we were going to see Santa!

We arrived, and Cade decided he was having nothing to do with the white-bearded man. He wouldn't even look at him, much less get close. I couldn't even get the other two in there, because this kid was screaming at the sight of Santa.

So we left. He calmed down, we did some window shopping, tried to do some real shopping but they kept insisting in helping me. Thanks but I'm tired of putting things back on the racks. We did manage to get an ornament for our tree and an outfit for Candace. They had a great time, we ate cotton candy and they didn't even noticed the stares.

What's with the stares anyway? I get that they are twins, and they will get attention but these days, with fertility treatments and such, multiples are a lot more common. It seems people can't help themselves. Thankfully, they don't notice yet the unwanted attention they receive. I keep telling myself people stare because they are just too cute to go unnoticed!

People sometimes ask me how I do it. I don't have an answer for that. How does any mom do it? I don't think I'm "special" because I have twins, I'm just a mom like any other. Yes, I had to juggle feeding two babies at once, double the amount of diapers, bottles, and clothes. I had to learn to remain calm when both of them were screaming at once, and figure out how to juggle time with Candace so she wouldn't feel neglected.

But all moms juggle their share of challenges. They all manage. I'm not special. I am just a mom

Christmas traditions

At work, we have an internal newsletter that features different employees every month, and depending on the time of the year, different recipes, ideas, traditions.

For the December newsletter they asked that we submit our traditional New Year's celebrations. We have people from all over the world here so it should be interesting to see what everyone does for New Years.

This time of the year has always been my favorite. As a child, I remember how exciting it was to decorate the house for Christmas. One year, our entire neighborhood decorated the street with lights, and we made sure our house was decorated to match.
Christmas Eve is a big deal back in Panama. There is Midnight Mass, and most families attend mass together, to celebrate the birth of Christ. Mass usually starts around 11:00 PM and ends by midnight. Afterwards everyone heads home, to celebrate. There is food, and neighbors go to each others homes to say Feliz Navidad. The kids get to stay up late, and of course, no presents are "delivered" until after everyone is sleep.

I guess you can say we like to party back home because New Years is a big deal too. There is more food, music, our entire neighborhood would become a huge street party. At midnight, everyone goes outside to wish each other a Happy New Year.

I miss the holidays back in Panama. I miss welcoming our neighbors to the house, sharing a bit of food and happy wishes with them, I miss attending Midnight Mass at the Cathedral, I miss home.

But new traditions are emerging as my children get older. For the past 3 years, one of Santa's elves delivers a special package on Christmas Eve. The elves are very busy, so they usually ring the doorbell and leave before we can get to the door. Inside the package, there are pajamas for each member of the family. These aren't your normal pajamas, you know. They come from the North Pole, and they are magic. They help Santa work "his magic" on Christmas night.
I can't wait to hear the doorbell this year, and watch Candace rush to the door to retrieve the package.

We have a Nativity scene in the center of our home to remind us of the real reason we celebrate Christmas. We bake cookies for Santa and we write a note for him to read as he is eating his cookies. For the past few years, he has even left footprints inside our house, since the fireplace had ashes in there.

As they get older, I hope to incorporate more traditions, like Midnight Mass, and Christmas Carols in Spanish.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas now that the weather has turned cold. It's time to let the magic of this season touch our hearts and get ready to celebrate with our families.

IF

If I didn't have kids, I would
* Sleep as late as I could on weekends
* Have a spotlessly clean house
* Spend lots of money in clothes, purses, and shoes
* Drive a convertible
* Take fabulous vacations every year
* Eat out at expensive places
* Go out of town on the weekends
* Go back to school
* Read more books

BUT if I wasn't a mother, I wouldn't know
* the joy of cuddling with my kids and watching cartoons on Saturday morning.
* the pride in my children's eyes when they show me their latest masterpiece drawn in the living room wall.
* the joy of buying clothes for that little person growing inside of me.
* what loving unconditionally feels like.
* I would have never discovered how good chicken nuggets from Chick Fil A are, or how much fun it is to collect the toys inside a Happy Meal.
* the sounds of my children's laughter in the backseat of my car would be unknown to me.
* that indescribable feeling I felt when I took my children to my homeland
* I would have missed the sparkle in their eyes when they saw the ocean for the first time.
* I would not know how chaotic and fun a family meal at home can truly be.
* I wouldn't have a first grader teaching me how to properly pronounce words in English
* I would have never read the Cat in the Hat, or even know who Dr. Seuss was.
* I wouldn't know that an old, tore up bear, can keep all the monsters away at night.
* I would have never known what it feels like to have a little pair of arms tightly wrapped around my neck.
* the joy of hearing "I love you" for the first time
* the pride of watching them in their first dance recital, or scoring their first goal, or playing their first song in the piano.
* how the cry of a child in the middle of the night will wake you from the deepest of sleeps.

If I wasn't a mother, I would have never known love can have no boundaries.

The real meaning of Christmas

Have you noticed how materialistic Christmas has become? I was disturbed to hear about that person who got trampled to death at Walmart. How is it possible that, out of those thousands, there was not one person who cared enough to help that man up so he wouldn't get killed? Have we become so obssessed with having things, that we take human life for granted?

I am an optimist and I believe there is a lot of hope left in the world. We seldom hear about the Good Samaritans who help others, or the families who share what little they have because it makes them feel good. Those are not newsworthy stories. But those people are still out there, trying to make a difference, and doing their best to refocused our Christmas celebration so we'll remember the reason why we celebrate in the first place.

Growing up, we had no Santa Claus. Our Christmases were not cold, there was no snow. As a matter in fact, December is the beginning of the "summer" in Panama, and Christmas was always warm, sunny, perfect for playing outside. Santa was someone who visited those kids who lived "up north", where it got cold and it snowed. He didn't drive his sleigh down to the tropics, you know.

I never missed not having Santa, and Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I was lucky to grow up in a place where the majority of the people are Christians, so our Christmas celebrations were centered around the birth of Christ.

You are probably wondering how could I receive gifts if Santa didn't visit me. Baby Jesus, the one who truly gives the best gifts, He brought our gifts. I knew my parents bought the gifts and I knew my mom wrapped them and they placed them under the tree. But I knew that without Him, there would be no gifts. If He didn't bless my parents with health and jobs, we would have no gifts. I knew even as a child that He was the real gift of Christmas.

I'm now an adult, raising children in a place where it gets cold for Christmas and where Santa visits every year. My husband grew up with knowledge of Santa coming on Christmas morning, so now we try to incorporate his tradition and mine during Christmas.

It is not easy, and those of you who are parents and are Christians know how secular our celebration has become. We seem to be more focused on how much stuff we get rather than on giving and living by our Christian faith. Maybe it is time we refocused our Christmas, don't you think?

I'm not Scrooge, I like gifts and I like watching my kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Every year I try to recenter our Christmas around the birth of Jesus. My kids are still young and they probably don't notice but that's ok. Eventually, they will realize that Christmas isn't about Santa, or gifts, it is about the birth of our Savior, about giving, and helping those who need help, and spreading the love of Christ around the world.

So this year I've decided to spend less. Not because I want a fat bank account (well, I do, but that's a long way from happening), rather that money I will not spend on gifts of "obligation", I'm going to use for charity. I'm going to buy one less thing and find someone who needs it more than I or my kids and give to them. I will probably spend more time baking and giving baked goods because that's one way I show someone that I care. I will probably spend more time with my daughter making handmade gifts so that she can put a bit of her love into the gifts she is giving away this year.
I will give my kids gifts from Baby Jesus this year so they will remember the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

(for ideas on gifts, visit www.rethinkingchristmas.com

18 years ago today

It seems like just yesterday. I remember vividly how excited I was. I had never been on a plane before and I was about to get my first chance.

We arrived at the airport in San Jose, Costa Rica very early and checked in. We didn't have a lot of luggage, just a few old suitcases with our entire possessions. I was nervous, and excited. I had no idea what the rest of my life would be like but I knew it would be an adventure.

We said goodbye to my father, it was a bittersweet moment. I felt guilty because I was so happy to leave, yet so sad to leave him.

We arrived in New Orleans on a typical December day. It was gray and cold as we stepped out of the airport. I could see the city at a distance. We drove back to Mississippi and I remember wondering what our life would be like from now on. Little did I know how my life would turn out.

Eighteen years ago today, I arrived in the US. An immigrant full of dreams. I have been blessed to be able to fulfill those dreams. One by one, they have become a reality. There are still many more dreams left to achieve.

I am thankful for the last 18 yrs, for the opportunities I have had, and for the people I left behind who supported me throught these 18 yrs, who rejoiced with me every time I achieved a goal and believed I could be someone one day.

I'm looking forward to the next 18, 36, 54, 72... years

Thankful

I am thankful for:

* the opportunity of embarking in this journey we call Life.
* my father, who open my mind up to the world and its beauty
* my mother who made incredible sacrificies for all of us
* my siblings, who taught me about unconditional love
* all the teachers I had throughout the years, who planted in me the desire to learn and keep on learning every day of my life.
* my aunt Michaela who showed me how to be a true Christian
* my grandfather "Abuelo", the head of our family, who taught me about hardwork, loyalty to our family.
* my grandmother "Abuela" who taught me how to cook and show my love for others in that way
* my cousins, uncles, aunts who, in spite of the distance that separate us, still show me their love and are proud of me.
* my church family, who has given me a chance to serve them and have blessed my life in so many ways.
* my husband, my companion, my best friend, because he always sees the best in me, and loves me in spite of my flaws.
* my daughter, the answer to my prayers, who has shown me how to appreciate life in a whole new way.
* to my sons, who chose me to guide them through this life
* to my God, for the blessings He bestows in me every day of my life. I hope I am able to recognize those blessings each day.

The Gift of Reading

I remember learning how to read. Back then and back in Panama, kindergarten was the time when kids got used to schedules, and discipline in schools. Most children did not go to daycare, and kindergarten was not mandatory. There was no pressure on being "ahead" and "prepared" for first grade, as there is here.

I learned how to read at home. My dad would take the time to teach me how to sound out the words. Once I was able to read, a new world appeared in front of me, and I was ready to explore it.

We had one tv at our house, and it was not for the children. My parents were very strict when it came to our tv time. The tv was off limits for us, and only 2 shows were watched at home: the news and Sesame Street.

So the majority of our time was spent playing outside and when the weather did not cooperate, we spent our time reading. My parents made sure we had plenty of material to read. Back then, salesman would come to our house, offering encyclopedias. My parents bought two sets, I can see them now. The biggest set was bound in blue, and it had at least 20 volumes. It covered every imaginable topic, from history to sports. Each volume was heavy and hard to handle for a small child but dad would help us carry it so we could enjoy reading it. The other set was red, the books were smaller, and as I recall, most of the volumes talked about the different animals in the animal kingdom.

In those books, the world was within reach. I read about world history, and learned about Greece and Rome, Plato, Aristotle, Michael Angelo, and Thomas Jefferson. I read about the US, the American Revolution, and the Civil War. I learned about the European Monarchies, and the great empires that dominated the world centuries ago. It was fascinating, even as a child, to read about this far away place I now call my home.

There is no need now for encyclopedia salesmans anymore. One can find out about anyone and anything through the internet. My daughter doesn't have to read throough countless volumes to learn about the world anymore. All she needs is a computer.

Still, I want her to experience the joy of reading. I want her to read about the world, and imagine the things that are beyond her reach. I want her to enjoy reading as much as I do. I want her to be able to compete in a technological world without losing that desire to seek knowledge. I don't want her to stop thirsting for knowledge simply because it's at her fingertips, with just the stroke of a key on the computer keyboard.

Much like my parents, I am setting the ground rules. There are books, and magazines, and newspapers for her to read. There is a computer too, but for now, I want her to learn about the world and its wonder the old fashioned way.

Role Models

The campaigns are over and by morning, we will know who won the election. I'm sure many of us will be relieved, and glad to be able to watch TV again without having to see a political ad.

This has been a historical race, that's what all the TV stations and newspapers have been advertising for months. It has affected everyone in a different way, I'm sure.

In my case, it has made role models for my kids out of the candidates. Not because of their political agendas, or affiliations. Simply because of who they are.

There is a woman on the ticket. A working mother. She knows what it's like to compete with men, and having to prove herself over and over again. She knows everything she does will be scrutizined, simply because of her gender. But she is still on the ticket.
This is the first election that my daughter has been old enough to understand. She has watched Sarah Palin on TV, she understands that this woman is "applying" for the 2nd most important job in this country. She now knows that a woman can aspire to the highest offices, and be respected among her peers, the same way a man is. For that, I am grateful. My daughter has witnessed history in the making.

There is also a man on the ticket who put his life on the line for this country. A man who loved it enough to fight for its freedom. His heroic act defines my personal definition of patriotism. He reminds me of those patriots, back in Panama, who fought for their right to elect the leaders of the country. He is a role model to all of my kids, not just my boys. They should love this country, and defend their freedom, and respect those who fought for it like John McCain did.

Last but not least, there is a man of mixed heritage running for the highest office. Just like my children, his parents came from very different backgrounds and his perspective in life comes from his experiences as a child. Perhaps his life is richer and fuller because he had the chance to see the world in a different manner than his peers. My kids now see Obama compete and be respected in the same manner as a white man. They too can aspire to be presidents one day. For that I am thankful.

Regardless of who wins the election, tomorrow is a new day and this election will go down in history. I hope now that it is over, we can overlook our differences and work together to continue to push this country ahead, for ourselves and for our children.

I am

I am from Banana Trees, from Polleras, and Diablos Rojos

I am from the Casa Vieja where my mom grew up, with its dark rooms filled with memories; of Abuelos' stories, of the piles of golden rice he kept inside, and the rainy afternoons in October talking about nature and learning about life.

Of summers spents with grandparents, in a house with no electricity, of sneaking out to the river, of riding horses, feeding chickens, and eating guavas right of the tree.

I am from the Chiriqui River, roaring behind Abuelo’s house, of the algarrobo tree in their front yard, of laying on the grass, listening to ghosts stories, and staying up all night wondering about what was lurking in the dark.

I am from Nochebuena y Año Nuevo spent with family, of Carnavales and Processiones during Semana Santa, from Amada and Amelia and Carmen.

I am from the family sticks together, and love and respect your older sisters as if they were your mothers; of loving our cousins as if they were our siblings and standing up for those who can’t do it for themselves.
From respecting your elders, and always doing your best. Of being proud of who you are and the place where you came from, and of understanding the value of an education.

I am from being raised Catholic, from praying the rosary with Abuela, and learning prayers tthat were passed down generations. I’m from having faith in a God who is merciful and kind, of believing in ghosts, praying to saints, and never eating meat on Good Friday.

I’m from a Buddhist father, from catholic school, from learning about the paranormal and the power of the universe. I am a mix of Catholicism and indigenous beliefs, of going to curanderos, while lighting a candle for your health to be restored. I’m Catholic, secured in my faith and my beliefs and not afraid to say I don’t agree with man-made rules.

I'm from Panama, Spain, and the Guaymi Indians, of sancocho, arroz con pollos, platanos and tortillas.

From a mother with only a 6th grade education who taught me about hard work and determination, from slumber parties with my cousins, from running across the swinging bridge without our parents knowing.

Of starry nights listening to my father telling us about the wonders of the universe, and dreaming about becoming an astronaut. Of dancing on the streets during Carnaval under the blazing sun and the cool water; of patriotic parades on Independence Day.

Of Jose’s courage, and Abuelo’s strength, of Abuela’s faith, Mom’s determination, and of Dad’s thirst for knowledge.

I am from that little bench Tio Dany made for me 31 years ago, that Abuelo kept for me all these years, of watching my kids sit on that bench and see my life realized in them; of the wooden stove where Abuela used to cook, and the sewing machine where she would fix Abuelo’s clothes while whistling a tune.

I’m from dancing with Abuela after dinner, under the light of a kerosene lamp with Abuelo watching as he smoked his pipe. I’m from the moments that were never captured in film but will remain in my heart forever.



Polleras- national dress of Panama
Diablos Rojos- traditional buses in Panama
Casa Vieja- my grandparents (Abuelo and Abuela) old house
Amada, Amelia, Carmen - grandmother, mom, great grandmother
Jose- my cousin who died of diabetes-related problems at age 33. he was like my brother.
Nochebuena- Christmas Eve
Ano Nuevo- New Year's
sancocho, arroz con pollo, platanos, tortillas - traditional Panamanian dishes